For the longest time growing up I was very insecure about myself to the point where it caused a lot of pain. Through middle school and even a lot of high school I had a feeling of low self-worth. I was picked on a lot during this time in my life but I don't think that had everything to do with it. I tended to always seek people's approval in everything I did. I was a people pleaser and to a certain extent, I still am today. I put a lot of people before myself but in a way that compromised my beliefs and values.
I went through that phase of high school when I felt like I needed a boyfriend to be noticed. I went after this guy that I am not sure I had genuine feelings for but all of my friends pushed me to date him. He played with my feelings and made me feel like I wasn't good enough. As if that was going to help my already low self-esteem. My parents didn't like us together because they could see that this relationship was tearing me apart from the inside. But of course, I didn't listen to them.
As time went on I became emotionally drained. All my focus was centered around this guy and all I would ever think about was how to make him happy. My relationships with the quality people in my life soon began to dissipate. As I began to mature I asked myself, "Is this one guy worth all the pain that I feel?" "Is he worth compromising myself in order to make him happy?" And that's when I finally said no. The only way that I was was going to be happy and satisfied is if I made a change. I had to change my situation and my perception of myself.
To change my situation, I broke up with my boyfriend and concentrated on the relationships that were going to matter in the long run like my family and my close friends. I knew he wasn't the guy for me so why would I waste time for both of us. IT takes action to be happy. Have you ever heard the saying, you can't love someone until you love yourself? Well, its true. How am I supposed to be in a relationship with someone and give them love and support, and confidence when I have none of those qualities, to begin with? I had to focus on me before I could focus on another person. You should never enter a relationship without being confident and have a feeling of self-worth.
And that leads me to my next point. Our minds are very powerful, more than we know. If I just kept telling myself over and over again that I wasn't good enough, then I would believe it and it would become reality. As the famous inspirational writer, Norman Vincent Peale said, "Change your thoughts and you change your world". Telling myself I was worthy actually really helped. People began to appreciate me on a deeper level when I smelled of confidence.
Lastly, I had to surround myself with people that were going to build me up and not tear me down. This was a hard step to take but it benefited me in the long run. I learned that it is ok to be picky when it comes to boys because good guys were the only kinds of guys that deserved to be in my life. All my wounded relationships with people became stronger when I was myself.
Being myself was fun and it was a carefree not worrying what other people thought of me. I know that best friends are the ones that accept you for who you are so why not just be yourself? I am an energetic, crazy, and maybe a little loud and that's some of the qualities that I am happy to be. When I finally opened my eyes and changed my story life started to look better for me. You receive what you are telling your mind you deserve. Today I have some truly amazing friends and family and a sorority of amazing sisters that I don't think I could live without. I am content and happy with myself and I wish the same for all of you.
