I hope everybody has had a good week so far! Today's story is going to be another more serious one, but I promise it will have a happy undertone because I am all about happy!

As stated in my last article, I have struggled with self-harm since I was in 6th grade. It's a common cycle of good days turning to bad days, relapse, temporary relief, feeling guilty for relapse, and goes on and on, like a full circle with no hole to escape out of. I felt gross and unworthy of anybody's love, and covered myself up, arms and legs. Before I start, I want to make one thing clear. If this is triggering in any way, shape, or form, PLEASE do not read. I want everybody to stay safe and happy and awesome.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, (v. 20) for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

Self-harm. Cutting, scratching, burning, punching, whatever it is. A lot of people know that I am not shy of this subject, as I have been fighting with my own urges and relapses for the past 6+ years. Fortunately, I have not gone back into that habit once during 2016, and I take every day very seriously, making sure my mind doesn't wander that way.

However; recently I have been noticing my friends and their wrists, their thighs, or stomach, and even though I don't necessarily see every portion of one's body, I know that they are present. That little wince they make when they pull their sleeves or shorts down. Again, I am all too familiar with the stinging and paranoia that comes with self-harm.

A 2008 publication by the US National Library of Medicine reports the following non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI) statistics:

• 1/3 to 1/2 of US adolescents have engaged in some type of self-injury.
• Cutting and burning are the most common types of non-suicidal self-injury.
• 70% of teens engaging in self-injury behavior have made at least one suicide attempt.
• 55% had made multiple suicide attempts.

Just the FIRST statistic is alarming, 1/3 to 1/2 of US adolescents have engaged in self-injury?! It's terrifying to think about it, especially with this generation growing up and having kids, and I always wonder what life is going to be like for our kids one day, and with statistics this high, I almost don't want to see what it is going to be like. Suicide, as a lot of people know, is on the RISE when it shouldn't be. Y'all, it is not a joke to go through something like this.

To anyone who self-harms currently, or has before: I love you. You are not alone. I might not even know who you are, but I still love you. You are so strong- getting up every morning and going through school, work, drama, and are still standing strong. I know it might not feel like it, but you are. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this terrible time in your life. I love you, I love you, I love you. And if you are getting over the addiction, keep fighting. It's going to get worse before it gets better. You got this. I believe in you. Don't beat yourself up if you relapse, because again, it'll get worse before it gets better. Baby steps are crucial. Just one day of no cutting is a great accomplishment. Go for a day, 3 days, 5 days, a week, and so on.

If you know anyone who self-harms: Love them. I know its a hard thing to go through, seeing your friend or family member going through such pain to put themselves through this, but just be patient, loving, kind, and a shoulder to cry on. Try to encourage them as often as possible, because a simple "I'm proud of you" can take someone so far. It's also hard to understand the concept of bringing harm on yourself by a razor or lighter or your own fist, but it is nearly impossible to understand something you haven't been through yourself. Try your hardest to not judge or come off as looking down on them. The best thing you can do is just love them. Love them no matter what.

I asked some of my friends for advice towards people who harm themselves and who are friends with people who self-harm. One of them said that they are causing more problems for themselves. This makes sense. More stresses of making sure nobody sees, thinking about the next time they can cause harm, etc. Another friend of mine said that someone who self-harms and people know about it is that they might not understand how they are making their loved ones feel. It is a terrible feeling to know that their daughter, friend, sibling, niece, dad, whoever it is, is causing harm to their own body, just to get rid of the scary thoughts in their heads. It is a helpless feeling. One last thing a friend said, and my personal favorite to ponder on...the process of saving yourself is, ironically, killing you at the same time. Inside out, your thoughts are clouded, body covered with scars, friends are worried, and everything is a scary memory.

HOW I "GOT THROUGH" SELF-HARM

This hopefully is obvious, but God. It all got better once I let my guard down and let God into my heart. The reason why "got through" is in quotation marks, is simple: It is still something that I go through. It is not something that was solved completely and I had no urges suddenly one day. The little voice in my head, middle school and freshman year me, will hop in sometimes. "Hope, do it. Get some relief. You haven't done it in a while, what's a little relapse going to do? Don't you miss the feeling?" If anybody has this problem, do not give in. Relapse and temporary relief are NOT worth it.

If you ever need somebody to talk to, here is the best phone number you can call for help, The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (24 hours) {1-800-273-8255}

This is not something that you will want to hear because you hear it all the time..but it DOES GET BETTER. It really, truly, does. Do not make a permanent decision for a temporary problem. It. Gets. Better. If you ever get the urge to relapse, sit, rest, and think about it for a hot minute. Ask God to allow healing and peace in your heart. Rest on His unfathomable love, to allow Him to put so much healing in your life, family, and thoughts.

Psalms 9:9-10 The LORD is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. (v. 10) And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you.

You got this.

xoxo, Hope

(Thank you for reading)