The Reject

I am not a bad person. I am sorry you think that. I doubt, and I doubt, but what I am is not bad. I am who I am, not who you think I should be. It’s not my fault how you interpret me.

I am who I am, and I won’t doubt myself.

Have you ever been personally attacked or criticized to the point where the comments and complaints sink into your mind? You begin to doubt who you are. Are you actually all of the harsh words that your offender is stating or are you the person you think you are?

Recently, I was confronted by someone in my life that made me question if I was the person that I thought I was. My offender’s words had a strange power over me. How could this person’s words affect me so?

The phrase “sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me” comes to mind. Even though I didn’t care about my attackers opinion of me, their words still hurt. The fact that anyone would ever say horrible things about you makes you wonder if that person had a reason. Did I actually deserve those hurtful words?

If that person said those words, there must be a reason. I must have done something to deserve their attack. Sometimes this is true. Sometimes you need to be called out for your actions, but, other times, your attacker is just looking for anything that can be misinterpreted and twisted into an offense against you.

I went for days questioning if my identity rested with my offenders words, or if I was who I thought I was. Was this authoritative figure wanting to build me up by their words, or tear me down in order to try and force me to conform to their standards? Questioning who you really are can make you sink into a deep reflective state, dark and full of doubt. Some people turn to significant others in their life to find out what they think of themselves. If you ask the right person, you are sure to receive a satisfactory answer. However, an opinion can change. If this friend or significant other changes their opinion of you, you are left to return to the same doubtful state you were once in. This is why you can’t turn to others’ opinions in order to find who you are. One must look within one’s self to find one’s identity.

This is when I realized I am who I am, and that is all I want to be. I don’t want to change for someone that doesn’t even know me. I am not going to conform to someone else’s standards in order to appease someone who hasn’t tried to get to know me before judging me. I need to find confidence in myself and not let others sway me with their opinions of me.

Words can either build others up or tear people down. So, one must be able to discern whether a comment is constructive criticism from someone who wants to see you grow, or a judgement from someone that wants you to conform to their standards and change in order to appease them. If the first, think of the criticism as the person caring for you and wanting the best for you. If the second, don’t let their words linger in your mind and shake your identity. Learn that: I am who I am, and there is nothing wrong with that.