I have no self-control. I could never say no to a brownie and I procrastinate until the last minute on every assignment I can. I once tried to cut out Taco Bell, but got sad and ate a Beefy 5 Layer to make myself feel better.
When it comes to relationships, I'm not much different. Patience has never been my strong suit, and no matter how many physical boundaries I set, the line ends up getting crossed.
I need to step away from “the line,” and so do you.
I'm not here to condemn physicality in a relationship, but I want you to know that there is beauty in self-control.
Women have been put in a position where they must act like a stop sign at the intersection of what's okay and not okay. It's sad that, as a culture, we've put women in a position that they need to reaffirm to men that “no” truly means “no.” This responsibility isn't fair to women. We as men need to respect physical and emotional boundaries.
Setting up boundaries in a relationship may seem like you're stopping yourself from showing affection, but the pathway to a loving, healthy relationship is learning to cherish and pursue a woman. Of course, we can show how much we care physically, and that’s important, but sometimes withholding those desires can display it even more. Attraction and desire are beautiful and real, but understanding the benefits of self-control communicate that you're committed to her and the relationship long term.
Men aren't the only ones who push boundaries in relationships though. Many women believe that they need to throw themselves at a man to keep him happy.
Ladies. You are worth more than that.
I want to tell you right now, if a guy says that sexual activity is a deal breaker, he's not right for you.
At the same time, woman should be held responsible for their self-control in relationships. Not only is it healthy, but staying true to your values is a beautiful and admirable quality. There is so much to be said about a woman who is resolute in her principles and convictions. When women set boundaries and are disciplined, they're saying that they desire more for the relationship than just temporary fulfillment. Self-control shows value for the potential of the relationship.
A girl who knows what she believes in is the kind of girl I'd be honored to marry one day.
It's tough to have discipline. I know more than most the difficulties of a rushed relationship. Amidst the struggle, there is honor in the intentionality of self-control. For both men and women, it is difficult to develop respect for one another when physicality precedes emotional intimacy. We are hard-wired towards instant gratification, but being in a relationship where both parties are committed to self-control is the difference between a home built on sand and a home built on stone. Physicality says that you're attracted to your significant other, but self-control says that you respect them.
My challenge to you,
and to myself, is to ignore moments of instant gratification in favor
of the long-term benefits that come from making tough, disciplined
decisions.
Your self-control is less about aligning to a moral compass and more about adhering to the qualities that make a relationship successful.
