I think a lot of people wish that they could write letters to their younger selves; I know I definitely do. Maybe you wish that you would've tried better in school, or spent more time with a family member that has since passed away, or perhaps you wish that you would have told that one special person how you felt. My memory of the person I was ten years ago, at age 11, isn't horrible, but when I think of the girl I was at that age and the stupid things I cared about, the main thing I wish I could tell that version of myself is to be more confident in myself.

Confident was absolutely not a word that I ever used to describe myself, and even now, I probably wouldn't label myself as confident; I believe that the person I am now has confident moments, but I am still a person who lets many insecurities define my decisions and actions, which is a work in progress. But as I recall the person I was and the way I acted, I realize how often I would stay quiet or change my personality and my likes and dislikes just to fit in, which is something that I rarely, if ever, do now. I felt like a chameleon, and that's probably because I was. I didn't know who I was, and most likely didn't even care. All I wanted was friends and the validation that came along with those friends. I craved to be liked by everyone. I couldn't stand it if someone didn't like me, and while that is still slightly true today, I'm not willing to change myself just because someone else doesn't like me.

At that age, I never believed that I could be confident. How could I be confident when I wasn't comfortable in my own skin and didn't even know who I was? Every time I made an effort to be more confident, it seemed like the world was telling not to. Granted the world wasn't literally telling me to stop pretending to be confident, but rather my insecurities that were fostered through society and media. I let my lack of confidence define me, and I was unhappy with the life I was living because I didn't feel confident enough to be myself. I was afraid that no one would like the person I actually was, which, I've come to realize, means that they weren't really my friends in the first place if they couldn't accept me for who I was, quirks and all.

Instead of being so desperate to be friends with everyone and putting all of my energy into that, I wish I would have focused on figuring out my own interests more, rather than tapering my interests to whomever I was around. I should have been less apologetic about the things I did like. Anyone who was friends with me back then, and probably still to this day, knows how often I said and say "sorry." If I could write a letter to my 11-year-old self, I would urge her to pursue interests instead of friendships with people who, with the exception of a few, didn't care about who I was and didn't really seem to take an interest in me or care about me.

I don't blame my younger self for my residual insecurities about my body image and friendships, but I do wish I could have saved myself some pain and tears by learning the importance of confidence earlier in my life. College has been some of the best times of my life because I have felt so comfortable being myself, which, in turn, has made me more confident than I was before. To me, being confident means knowing who I am: my likes, dislikes, and hopes, and staying true to those qualities that make me who I am. I won't deny that I'm sure what matters to the 21-year-old me will seem like small potatoes to the 40-year-old me. Confidence means staying in touch with the qualities that make you you, even when they change or when people will inevitably hate you for them. Who cares what other people think about you when you're the person who has to deal with yourself 24/7, 365 days a year? Be true to the person you are now, not the person you were or think you're going to be. Being confident means loving yourself.