A couple of weeks ago I ran across a tweet that I immediately had to forward to my brother because it summed up the first twelve years of my life to a T.

I don’t know why the phrase lie or liar was such a troubling phrase to our parents or grandparents years ago or exactly know when the shit occurred when I became allowed to use it. I recall a couple of weeks ago ranting to my mother about how why I didn’t understand why someone had willing chosen to lie for no reason and she never stopped me or raised her voice in to question why I felt so comfortable calling someone a liar.

Perhaps lying in the black community was a touchy topic because of the real and dangerous ramifications that came with being labeled a liar. In our grandparent's eyes, this phrase could result in the loss of life. Today to some degree it still does.

However, my article is not about debating whether or not people of color should have access to the use of this word without fear, but rather the act itself. I think we all lie, however, people lie for a multitude of reasons.

Some people lie for peace, these usually are the white lies about the tooth fairy or Santa Clause. I Don't think there’s a real issue with these types of lies because of the intention behind it. Parents tell these lies as a means to create moments their kids can look forward to.

I believe the danger of lying comes when we start "shaping truths" to frame ourselves or our intentions in a positive light. I think it's wrong to withhold parts of who we are even if it's done out of who we are out of fear.

Lying typically is a symptom of a much larger issue. When we aren’t secure with who are and our personal truths we opt for a more glamorous version rather than who we are. In other words, we censor ourselves.

Self-censorship is the deliberate act by individuals to alter or shade off parts of their lives in order to please others. While self-censorship is not equivalent to lying it’s quite close because it’s an intentional act to not share or divulge your needs, your thoughts, and or emotions.

This self-censorship doesn’t always have to be about major issues. Sometimes I can relate to the idea of feeling like I need to tell people exactly what they need to hear. I'llfind myself saying “it’s okay” or “I’m fine” way too many times to alleviate for any moment of discomfort another person may encounter.

This censorship, however, isn’t fair to me or my relationships. It isn’t fair to me because it leads me to always bear the weight of certain situations alone rather than testing the strength of the relationship.

Nor is it fair to my relationships to withhold the truth all for preserving peace in a moment. However, what I’ve come to realize that worthwhile relationships aren’t based on convenience of circumstance but on the deliberate choice to continuously choose someone and accept them.

While it can be quite normal to stress over how to deliver some less than ideal news or feelings with someone if you are stressing about whether or not the relationship can withstand the news you’re about to share it might be time to reevaluate the conditions of the relationship.

A healthy relationship comes with accountability, not judgment. While it doesn’t always feel good to receive correction, someone who truly cares for you will provide honesty and be transparent about areas that may need growth.