As some of you may know, I just completed my junior year of college. With one year to go left, I should be hopeful and excited about my future. Instead, I’m exhausted. My junior year was a struggle mentally, physically, emotionally, academically, socially, and basically every other possible way imaginable. I dealt with depression, serious illness, plaguing migraines, difficulty getting out of bed in the morning for a lack of purpose, anxiety, and being overworked. I holed myself up in my room, isolated myself from the outside world, and only talked regularly with a select group of people. I was always late for my classes, found that napping seemed to be the best route of escape, and didn’t take care of my health the way I should have. Many times, I couldn’t even take a break. I have three jobs and take 20-credit semesters. All of my English classes are labor intensive, requiring hours of reading and writing, and my Education classes are either extremely hands-on or seem so repetitive. “What’s the point?” I often wondered this past year.

Both my coworkers and my family kept telling me that I needed to take a break, even if just for 10 minutes. They warned me that I was going to burn myself out if I didn’t start taking care of myself and setting aside some time daily to relax. It was suggested that I go down to talk to people at Counseling and Wellness just for an outlet for my thoughts and feelings. I thought that investing in some sort of creative outlet with a physical product like painting would help, but I struggled financially to even get myself the needed groceries regularly. I resorted to staying in my room watching YouTubers who would make me laugh or cry or at least make me smile or feel better about life.

But with three jobs and 20-credit semesters, it’s hard to find time for myself. With the homework demand for classes as is suggested by the federal government (lol) that most of my professors follow (for every credit hour you should be spending 3 hours outside of class studying it – you do the math. It’s impossible), I can’t even find a second to breathe sometimes.

All year I struggled with self-care versus my responsibilities as I’m sure many of you also do. We live in a society that teaches us that our jobs, families, and other responsibilities should take precedence over your personal care. I’m here to tell you that that’s not true. You NEED to put yourself first. If you don’t, you risk the deterioration of your well-being and identity. Believe me. I considered dropping out of school because it was too much. I saw my personality and the way I feel about other people change. I saw myself slowly gain a little weight and couldn’t look in the mirror at myself some days because I felt so hopeless.

It’s like the pot calling the kettle black telling you all to get the help you need when you need it, to make sure you take care of yourself, or to tell you to worry about you more than your job(s) or your classes or even your family, but I’m getting there. I’m working hard to put myself first. Sometimes that means I take an hour to play video games at night instead of using that time to read for class. Sometimes it means that I choose fruit over fries as a side for a meal. Sometimes it means saying “no” to opportunities to make more money or be more involved because I already have enough on my plate.

But it’s the simple things, the small things, that can be the biggest victories. Forcing myself to choose healthy foods for my meals doesn’t seem like too big of a deal, but it made me discipline myself. Saying “no” once made it easier to say “no” other times when the risk was even bigger for my mental health. Start with the small decisions and commitments and, eventually, you’ll work your way up to the larger decisions like maybe going to see a therapist or quitting a job that’s more stress than it’s worth. You can do this. I know because I’m on the same path, and although I never want to go back and relive my junior year again, I can see the progress I’ve made, even if it’s been in increments. It may take a long time to learn to put yourself first, and that’s okay as long as you don’t stop moving forward. It’s not going to be easy, but eventually, you’ll be a better, healthier version of yourself and may even be able to love yourself more than you ever thought possible.

We can do this.