Over the last few years, I’ve watched self-care become a hot topic on my corner of the internet. There are an unbelievable amount of lists, how-to's, op-eds, and other media about the importance of self care and suggestions on how to practice it. This has me constantly drowning in an ocean of advice that is wonderful, but often impossible to follow. Much of the rhetoric around self-care that I see is of the “treat yo self” mentality -- to stop feeling bad, do good things for yourself. Take a bubble bath! Get a massage! Eat a cookie! And, to be fair, I don’t necessarily have a problem with this idea in and of itself. Taking the time to pamper and care about yourself is wonderful and necessary, especially for students. We all need a break, and maybe the call of “treat yo self” was just the excuse we needed to take one.

Unfortunately for myself, and others that suffer with mental health problems, self-care isn’t as easy as “taking a day off” or “doing something for yourself.” The “good” things that these writers suggest are, for some of us, actually very bad. Self-care can be excruciatingly difficult. My self-care means not eating something sugary first thing in the morning (no matter how badly I want to), because it’ll upset my stomach and throw my blood sugar out of whack. It means getting up and going to class even when I want more than anything to take a day off, because for me a day spent in bed can too easily turn into a day brooding in emotional pain and self-pity. My self-care is doing things I don’t want to, because I know they’re better for my physical or mental health in the long run. Rather than treating myself, I’m forcing my brain to do things that it believes are torture, like eating, sleeping, and leaving the house.

This isn’t to say that I don’t treat myself. Just the other day I went and got a massage. I give myself breaks from work to listen to music and relax. I take naps when I really need to. But the “treat yo self” regimen can only hold up for long before it becomes an excuse to not do things important for my ability to function. I can’t treat myself by spending a week in bed, or by eating nothing but junk, or by skipping commitments in favor of sleeping in. Not only is it unproductive, but these things can be directly harmful to all the progress I’m making in improving my mental health. So please, take the “treat yo' self” mantra with a grain of salt, and make time to do things you maybe don’t want to. Self-care isn’t always basking in a bubble bath, or skipping class to take a nap instead. It isn’t always pretty or easy or joyful. Sometimes it can be hard and sometimes it can hurt. But I know one thing for sure: in the end, it’s worth it.