I've always lived a very fast-paced and busy life. I don't really know any other lifestyle. I think I thrive off of being busy, and I don't think I'm even sure what to do if I ever have "free time."
Lately, I think it has become too much. I'm becoming run down to the point that it feels like I'm always on empty. But the thing is, I don't even think it is because I'm "busy." I loved all that I'm involved in, and I know how to handle it.
I think my emotions and feelings stress me out more than my schedule. A majority of that comes from myself and nobody else.
Ever since I was young, I've had an intense fear of being left. I wear my heart on my sleeve and take rejection of any sort very hard. Because of that, I feel the need to try so hard for all of my relationships. I have adopted the mentality that if I do more for them, they'll do more for me. If I don't reach out, we won't talk. It shouldn't be that way.
I care for the people in my life in the most selfless way I know how. There are no limits to what I'd do for the people I love, and I will consistently put myself to the side for what they need.
Sometimes, I think that goes unnoticed. Sometimes, I think that gets taken advantage of.
I will never regret the way I've been there for people, and I won't regret being selfless. But sometimes, when I let myself be selfish, I think, "What about me? When will it be about me?"
The problem with pouring so much of yourself into everyone else is that sometimes there isn't anything left for you.
I've reached the point where I've realized it's time that I step back from giving so much of myself to other people and allow them to give back to me, even if that sounds selfish. One person can only take so much. Everybody needs somebody, and I can't do all this alone — as much as I'd like to be able to.
I've had to repeat this daily and change my mindset to this: My happiness is just as important as anybody else's. My feelings matter too. I can't be everything for everybody.
My relationships should never be forced. I am not responsible for carrying any type of friendship or relationship all on my own. If someone wants to be in my life, they will make the effort to do so. If they don't, that tells me all I need to know.
After a while, you have to step back and choose yourself. Let people be there for you for a change.
