Hi. I'm the girl who has seizures.
That's probably a weird way to start an article, but a lot of the time that is what people see first. They see me as the one who has seizures. For a while, it was like it was my name. Sure, I had other identities, too. This one, however, stood out the most. I couldn't go a day without hearing the words- "Let's not have a seizure, ok." Or "Are you OK?" It truly sucked.
I didn't want to be the girl who was known for her seizures, but I was. I wanted people to see me first. Well, it has been almost three and a half years since my last seizure, and to put it simply- I'm terrified. I had my second seizure three years after my surgery. That's not necessarily what I'm terrified of, though.
I'm terrified of getting behind a wheel only to end up with a car turned over in the middle of the road. I'm terrified of hurting someone else because I got behind the wheel. I'm terrified of waking up in a hospital bed to be asked: "Do you know where you are?" Yes, I do. I'm very familiar with hospitals.
I'm terrified of being at concerts with strobe lights and blaring music. To the average person, that might sound dumb, but for me, it's a reality. I have to be so careful when it comes to flashing or bright lights. It can set a seizure off.
I'm terrified of insane time changes. For instance, I went into a 12-hour time difference, and while that's easy to deal with when it comes to switching your dosages, it's still scary.
I'm terrified of waking up one day to find out I had a seizure while I was sleeping, and now I'm completely confused by everything. That might not make sense, but you can't necessarily tell if you're having a seizure if you're sleeping. That is the scary part. Think about it. It is scary enough having a seizure while you are conscious, now imagine having one you don't even know happened. Scary, right?
Seizures are definitely terrifying, and the thought of having one at any time is even scarier. It's even scarier risking the life of someone else solely because you want to do something you are not supposed to. I want to drive, but due to my seizures - I shouldn't. I think about driving frequently, but it isn't worth the life of someone else.
I'm the girl who has seizures, and I'm terrified to do things because of it. I am constantly on edge about things even if I don't show it. I'm constantly hoping I don't have a seizure if I do this or that. I'm always on edge about previous events with my seizures. I think about them a lot. However, I'm thankful. Its been three and a half years since my last one. That's a big milestone.
I'm the girl who has seizures, but I'm not giving up.
