Understanding Self-Pity and What Drives It

Self- pity is one of several negative attributes which enable you to be hooked to others. The definition of self-pity is the psychological state of mind of an individual in perceived adverse situations, who has not accepted the situation, and does not have the confidence or ability to cope with it. It’s characterized by a person’s belief that they are victim to the event and therefore is deserving of condolence. When you reside in a state of self-pity, you are seeking validation and justification for your feelings. You do not believe you are deserving of such inconvenience, therefore you play the “victim” which essentially is relinquishing your responsibility onto someone or something else. As soon as something bad happens, the ego seeks out pity to reinforce the victim mentality. This stems from insecurity. You crave attention, and without pity, you fear others may not care about you.Sometimes pity is sought as an excuse to do nothing about a current situation. Pity is all talk. What we need is some action!

Solutions to Self-Pity

Being that self-pity stems from low self-esteem and a craving for external validation, these are the two areas that need to be addressed and evaluated. First, I would attempt to master becoming consciously aware of these behaviors before you engage in them and think about the effect they have on your life. You might be keeping yourself from moving forward because you are so focused on the unfairness of a situation. Recognizing the causes and effects of the problem should help build leverage to motivate you to approach change.

Once you can identify the behavior at its time of occurrence, you should practice conditioning yourself to combat it with gratitude. Over time, practicing gratitude will reverse the conditioning which caused the behaviors initially, and will help you create positive feelings without needing the reinforcement from others. Self- worth will grow as you take responsibility for your life and choose to do something about situations opposed to talking about them. Life is much better when you decide to enjoy it opposed to talk about how much you don’t!

Applicable Scripture

"How can you believe, when you receive glory from one another and you do not seek the glory that is from the one and only God?” (John 5:44)

"Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven.” (Matthew 6:1)

“But He gives a greater grace therefore it says, "God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” (James 4:6)

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:3-5)