As human beings, I think to some extent we all need validation for our actions. When we learned to walk, if we fell down, we’d give our parents that look as if asking “is it okay that I fell?” It doesn’t end there. Now that we’re in college, whether we’ll admit it or not, we are dependent on others’ approval. You post a selfie on Instagram and after five minutes, nobody has liked it. Does that mean you’re ugly? Undesirable? Of course not! But at least in that moment, it sure feels like it.

If you wear clothes that are similar to what those around you are wearing, you’re conforming to gain silent approval of the majority. If you put makeup on every day, same thing. If I had my way, I would live my entire life in medieval dresses. You know why I don’t? I know that people would think I was really weird if I did that. However, I still own about half a dozen dresses that only come out of my closet for the Renaissance Festival, or Halloween.

The question is, why do we seek others’ approval? From pop culture, it’s very clear we shouldn’t rely on other people to feel worthy of our own existence, but we still do. Grades are a huge example of this. When we were really little, before grades became about whether you pass the class and eventually graduate, they were approval from our teachers. A bright happy sticker that says “Wow!” could make your entire day better, because it meant your work was good enough.

We’ve brought awareness to this issue time and time again, whether on Glee back when we were in middle school, or in that song the entire planet seems to know by Meagan Trainer. If asked if we make decisions based on the opinions of others, the vast majority would likely respond that they don’t. But do they, really? Those comics depicting that girls change into more comfortable clothing the second they get home (while totally true) is a huge example. If we aren’t subconsciously seeking approval for our clothes, then why aren’t we wearing pajamas and going braless every day? Because people think it’s weird. That’s the only reason. If everyone started dressing how they wanted, would fashion trends change drastically almost overnight? I think so.

My point is not that you shouldn’t seek validation. As mentioned earlier, it seems to be a natural response since birth that we want to know that we’re allowed to do what we’re doing. I don’t think that we could just choose not to care because it’s so ingrained in our heads at this point. However, we can be aware of it. It is important to recognize that this happens, even if we don’t want it to. That is the only way that it will eventually get better.