I struggle with severe depression and anxiety. I recently acknowledged I needed help and I needed to learn how to deal with both my depression and anxiety. (Read my “Overcoming the Cycle” here: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/overcoming-the-cy....) I started doing self-therapy in December and I have definitely come a long way.
I want to share my “secrets” on how to be happier with your life. Now, these methods may not work for you and will most likely take time before you start seeing a difference in your life.
1. Affirmations
Affirmations are extremely useful in most of the coping methods I practice. Every day, we tend to affirm ourselves negatively. We say, “I suck”, “I can’t do anything right”, “I’ll never be happy”, “I’m not allowed to be happy,” and much more. But I bet you, if you incorporated positive affirmations in your day, you’d be happier. Positive affirmations can be anything. I practice affirmations to be happy and positive, be more confident with my body, and be more confident in my relationships- which are a few of many anxieties and negative thoughts I struggle with daily.
I have a Pinterest board full of positive affirmations https://www.pinterest.com/racheltinley/affirmations/,.
2. Consciously tell yourself to smile
I started doing this about two months ago. Consciously telling myself to smile taught me to subconsciously smile. Smiling makes me feel better. I also love smiling at people I pass by and they generally smile back, which makes me feel happier and better knowing I possibly made someone’s day brighter. So when you’re at home or not at home, tell yourself to smile. Soon you’ll (hopefully) realize that you can smile without having to tell yourself to smile.
3. Don't take things personally
With anxiety comes overthinking. And sometimes, I overthink my relationships with people. My mind loves to screw with me and tell me when someone is expressing a negative emotion (pissed/irritated/mad/sad), it’s because of me and/or something I did. But I try to pull myself back, and look at the bigger picture. I tell myself, “she/he has something going on in their life. It’s not always me.” Looking at the bigger picture and looking at it in a 3rd person point of view (Mindfulness) has impacted my life in a positive direction. It has helped prevent conflicts, has brightened my mood, and/or has made me more aware.
4. Journal
You can buy a cheap journal anywhere- Target, Amazon, etc- or you can even download a free journal app. Journaling is a way for me to look back and see how far I’ve gone. It helps me release my emotions. And it helps me track my moods. I want to start taking it to counseling with me so I can share my thoughts when I’m in my lows with him. It’s harder for me to try to explain what I feel when I’m in a low, when I’m not in a low.
5. Listen to music
I listen to all kinds of music. It scoops me away from reality. From trap music by artists, like TINCUP, Hopsin, and Tropkillaz, to bands like Twenty Pilots, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, and Nirvana, to other artists like Christiania Perri, Eminem, and Halsey. Yes, I have a wide range and selection of music to listen to. Who/what I listen to depends on my mood. I use Spotify to put my music in different playlists (Username is ashleeyacevedo). Try finding music that takes you away from reality.
6. Practice mindfulness
Earlier, I mentioned 3rd person point of view. Well, that is also part of mindfulness. I was in a group about Mindfulness Mediation that I found through my psychiatrist. It was honestly the best and most helpful method I’ve ever learned. I learned about riding the waves of emotions and feeling where in my body I felt that emotion. The guy that led the group would have us close our eyes, he’d ring a bell, and say different emotions, like happy, sad, fear, and ask us where we felt that. I felt fear in my chest, happy in my face and belly, and sad in my eyes, face, and throat. Weird but cool. He’d send us away with a mindful task to do that week. I chose to do a body relaxation tactic (feeling and relaxing a certain part of the body), write about how I dealt with my “wave of emotions” that week, and being mindful and thinking through a task (like driving.) This taught me to pull back and look at situations in a third person point of view and helped me learn how to cope better with my “waves of emotion” (which, I was pretty unstable in the past.)
7. Exercise!
Take a walk; join a gym; do a quick 5-10 minute workout in the morning; do lunges, squats, running in place, etc., while a commercial is rudely interrupting your show. I started off with walking (I still walk every now and then.) Now I do cardio once or twice a week, and I try to do a 40 minute to an hour yoga session. I use my “Workout” playlist on Spotify and Pinterest a workout when I’m doing cardio. When I’m doing yoga, I use YouTube.
My workout Pinterest board can be found here: https://www.pinterest.com/ashleynace97/workout/
8. Eat healthy
Eating healthy does wonders for your mental and physical health. I cut gluten, lactose, food with preservatives, and junk food out of my diet. In just a few weeks, I felt a whole lot better. I still feel really good (especially combined with exercise.)
9. Stop being passive!
This is my absolute worst habit. I bottle every emotion and thought, and my emotion is taken out through my actions and the person doesn’t know what to do or what they did. I’m passive because of the fear of conflict. But recently, I’ve been working on being assertive and my communication with people. I’m no longer passive. I voice my opinion, and I try my best to compromise and not get defensive. It’s a hard habit to get rid of, but I’ve gotten a lot better with it and I’m proud of myself.
10. Tell yourself you're beautiful
YOU are beautiful. Go tell yourself that in the mirror. Tell yourself every day in the mirror you’re beautiful. Smile in the mirror! Your smile is beautiful and makes you look 100x beautiful because you’re radiating positive energy.
11. Go out and have fun
Call your guy/girl friends and make set plans! Let loose. Turn off your phone. Focus on your friends and the present. Create awesome memories. You don’t want to live your life miserable, do you?
12. Work on things you don't exceed in
I don’t exceed at expressing my emotions. Like I said, I’m passive. (I’m also a Taurus and we tend to bottle up our emotions and be stubborn.) But I’ve been working on expressing my feelings with people, even if I feel like I’m a bother or being irrational. Pick something you’re not exceeding at and find a way to better yourself.
13. Find a purpose in life
Finding a purpose in life helps you create a goal in life that helps others, not just you. It’s an awesome feeling. My purpose in life is to share my stories and trauma to help empower others. Yes, my stories are painful but I know they help others. I have improved my best friend’s life, and I had another friend recently reach out and tell me my articles gives them hope on better happier.
Trust me, I know it’s hard to be happy. It’s not something you can do in a snap of the fingers. But if you incorporate methods in your life that help you cope with your emotions and thoughts and be happy, I bet you’ll see a difference. It may take weeks, months, or even years, but it’s worth it. Trust me, I’m enjoying life a whole a lot better. Yes, I still have my down days where I’m mentally and physically drained, but they occur less and are shorter. My rollercoaster isn’t as loopy.
