I walk in, foreseeingplausibleuncomfortability but hopeful I'll enjoy it nonetheless. I don't know very many people here, but that's nothing new. I even show up later than usual to minimize social interaction as I walk into this room filled with the myriad of extroverts. Everyone knows everyone. Not me though. I see familiar faces but seldom know anyone. I wonder just how much I actually belong here.

Tonight, I walked into a room hopeful to gain a good word. Tonight, I left that room with the opposite. Good words were spoken; I found myself unable to focus on such words though. Instead, I found myself intrigued by the façade so adamantly displayed upon faces of those scattered throughout the room. I used to be one of those – no one can actually know what's going on in my life, in my head. They can't possibly know what I'm feeling. That being said, I too attempt to plaster said façade on my face and over my heart.

For a moment, I questioned if I should leave before the place I so commonly attend to becomes skewed in my mind. I stayed. The longer I stayed, the more I began to question myself – doubting my being here. Something isn't right. I don't belong here. I couldn't quite put my finger on as to why I thought what I thought or why the tears rolling down my face weren't tears of joy when they ought to have been. Instead, I maintained the façade until the end drew near and an escape was feasible.

At last, I was able to unveil the façade as I sat in my car moments before leaving the vicinity. During that time, I texted a friend of mine explaining the situation plastered with my thoughts and current feelings of what I had just witnessed. The way he laid it out for me, plainly stated, "Nobody has his/her life together; don't let appearances fool you. Underneath every smile hides the ever-darkening abyss of inadequacy."

I thought about that statement for a second. Maybe what he said seems a little pessimistic... or perhaps he's a bit of a realist exposing us all. At first, I thought to myself that maybe that's a little extreme. The more I thought about it though; I began to find validity in what was said. I began to think about my own life, just how opaque am I? How much of a façade do I put on in my daily life?

We all do it. We consistently try to hide our insecurities, what we find inadequate about ourselves when the truth of the matter is: we can't run from them. An even bigger truth in the matter though: we shouldn't have to run from them, and we don't have to run from them. What I'm continuing to realize is that my identity is found in God, not in my inadequacies. That's a hard pill to swallow as we continually idolize the ways of this world, but there is peace in recognizing God supersedes it all.