Ever since I was younger, I've always been good at school. It was never something I had to practice. Rather, it just came naturally. My mother had a doctorate degree in Vietnam, and my father dropped out of school in the 7th grade (for post-war reasons). Being said of my Asian culture, school was a discipline, and homework was a chore. Never in my life had I ever had to make the choice of whether or not to do homework; rather, it was something that I just always did - like brushing your teeth every morning. That's how it was in grade school; it didn't "happen" - simply, it just "went by". By the end of it, I received Valedictorian status and a full-tuition scholarship to Oglethorpe University.
Honestly if I didn't receive scholarships, I wouldn't be in school. Never could I afford the monetary cost of school nor would I ever pay for it. It's not worth it. But here I am, blessed, attending one of the most beautiful and prestigious liberal arts colleges with a full-tuition scholarship granted by the school, and housing paid for by position as a residence assistant for the school. And yet here I am again, feeling as if something is missing, or rather in simpler terms, I'm just not happy here. And when I say 'not happy' I don't mean I'm 'sad'. There's a difference: one denies and the other affirms.
To explain, a couple of things that bother me
(1) I'm culturally lonely. I'm one of (practically) three Asians here on campus. As a result, I find it hard to relate to people whose culture is so different from yours. Impossible? No, of course not. But definitely a struggle.
(2) I don't enjoy the things I'm learning (with an exception of one or two classes). It's not about whether it's easy or hard, but if I were to fail a test, it's not difficult to not care so much about it.
Then, there's the "what if I transfer to a school with more Asians?" or "what if I take time off to figure out my life desires?" Would it change how I feel towards school? Maybe, or maybe not - but surely I'm in no position to make (or afford) those types of decisions.
If I were to ever rationalize with myself, which I have, I would say that the reason I'm in school is because it's the default answer. Yes, I could have just gotten a reasonable paying job like working in a nail salon or being a server (both of which average $15/hr), but I chose not to because everyone else was telling me that the most successful and/or the default path to success is to continue to go to school, get a degree, and end up in a really rewarding job. I simply never had anyone else tell me any differently; so without knowing anything else, I followed and did what was recommended to me.
This is how I continued to feel until one day one of my very good friends (whom I might add has a really good heart) said something to me.
Loren Sokol, a friend of mine, said to me,
"Vinh, what do you mean school isn't you? It IS for you. Not in the (academic) way you think it should be, but you being here is helping you grow as a person."
It was simply this line (and a mixture of many other small things) that made me continue my Oglethorpe education. It made sense, and the growth was evident. Because I chose Oglethorpe University, I put myself in uncomfortable situations where if I wanted to 'survive', I would have to either change or adapt. So I did, and as such, I gained leadership skills, I learned a stronger sense of who I am, and on top of that I broke away from the need and dependency of always being around other people I could relate to. Am I saying that I don't want it anymore - no, more times than not, I still find comfort meeting people that were similar to me, but no longer did I need to have someone telling me what to do or how I should live my life.
So the conclusion is this:
(1) School isn't for everyone, but it doesn't mean there's nothing to be gained from it.
(2) Whether it's mentally, spiritually, or physically, you can always continue to grow as a person no matter where you are.
If you want to drop out, that's fine. I know plenty of successful people who didn't go to college or quit college. But be open-minded to where you're at in life. Do the things that will define you and help you grow. Time is the one thing you can't take back (yet), so don't waste it.
