Freshman year of college at the one university I've wanted to go to since I was little isn't what I thought it would be.

Sure, it's great being here - the classes are fun and I love my professors - but I wasn't prepared for my life to get this hectic in a short period of time. I don't understand why everything is happening so quickly, or why there's nothing that I can do to fix it and help me figure everything out.

Not only has the realization that I'm an adult now kicked me in the arse, but the small town that I'm living in got hit hard by life itself. Within a period of three weeks, we lost two amazing Huntington county teachers and one amazing guy from the Huntington North High School graduating class of 2018. I never thought I'd feel a pain that strong before in my life. I've had deaths before, but I've never experienced so many in such a short period of time. I never imagined how unbearable it would be to lose three amazing people in just three short weeks.

On top of that, I have to keep a minimum of a 3.0 GPA if I want to continue with the major that I've chosen. However, that's not as easy as it was in high school. When I was in high school, I never got anything under a 3.0 GPA. I was always at 3.01 or above, but this semester is rough. I took my first exam after about two weeks in class, and I got a low C grade on it. I've never felt the stresses of getting low grades before, and especially not when it mattered to me the most. It's extremely critical that I have to get these grades to stay up unless I want to rethink my entire life.

My submissions on Odyssey are sporadic, my homework assignments are sporadic, my focus is sporadic, and I can't seem to be able to sit down for a period of time longer than an hour to focus on anything I need to do - regardless of the fact that I'm supposed to study an hour outside of class for every hour that I'm in that class. I have missing assignments, late assignments, and some assignments that I get 90% or above on.

College life is nowhere near as easy as high school life is. I understand that. I thoroughly understand that.

My classes are easy, but my focus is not. I don't have the ability to focus on anything as long as I should be able to. My stressors are in the highest zone they could possibly be, and I don't completely know how to pinpoint them just quite yet.

However, I know I can do it. I know that if I work hard enough, I will be able to complete everything that I need to do. I know that if I give myself the positivity and the proper energies, I will be able to succeed. I will be successful.

I will do this.