THE SCAVENGER HUNT
A HEROI-COMICAL POEM
CANTO I
Against what great odds do low mortals fight
And battle great trials that add to their plight
When despair and defeat loom close at hand
To defend their honor, our heroes will stand
Here me, O muse, and inspire these tales
I sing now to Pope, this work to him hails
From your wise grotto, bless this humble word
And let the story of this hunt be heard
A set of three heroes we find on a quest
Each committed to this perilous contest
A team of three, against other ten
To avoid kitchen duty and the filthy food bin
With a hopeful swagger they move on their way
Through the lanes of London on a cool winter’s day
Young Madeline is the first of the team
A funky, cool girl held in all’s high esteem
She hailed from Virginia, and her musical taste
Gave her skills to become Wake-radio based
Fair Jessica is the next of the crew
And of every movie and reference she knew
She was known for her power to make anyone laugh
And once all she said was, “Look at this graph.”
Wise Sophia was there, the last of the bunch
Legend says she only eats grilled cheese for lunch
She was known for her beauty and her love of the arts
But she still found the humor in a joke about farts
And so on they went, in search of progress
The landmarks of London the key to success
With each picture they took, their points would increase
And from doing dishes they would be released
Their scavenging took them to the heart of Hyde Park
Where Peter Pan’s statue was their next mark
They traversed gravel paths and wove through the trees
They crossed busy roads and avoided the geese
Until at long last they arrived at the road
That led straight into the elusive abode
A picture of Peter was soon to be taken
Our heroes’ confidence could not be shaken
All of a sudden, a villain leapt out
Blocking the path and causing a shout
A monstrous creature with fierce, sharp claws
Unpredictable eyes and sharp teeth in his jaw
A gnarled scar ran from his ear to his maw
And wounds from past battles tattooed his front paw
At his menacing snarl our heroes stopped cold
Against such a beast, it is hard to be bold
Maddie, out front, was the one most exposed
But amidst this new danger she stayed composed
“Dear squirrel,” she said, with bravado and might,
“Please let us pass. We do not want to fight.”
But the beast did not move; they could see in his eyes
Desperation, and hunger, despite his small size
Then Jessica braved a challenging step
And Sophia drew out her weapon in prep
Her sword has been crafted with ancient technique
Though nothing so deadly had been known to the Greeks
It was even more powerful than iron or stone
It was a saber of light from a trusty iPhone!
A line of blue light was clear on the screen
Justice and hope rang clear from its beam
The squirrel was too scrappy to run out of fear
But even he knew that his end was near
The heroes charged into battle with a great battle cry
With the courage of heroes and their weapons held high
At once the beast saw what his fate was to be
And scampered away up a nearby oak tree
The battle was won! The heroes, elated,
went on their way as they celebrated
At last they could see, at the side of the stream
The bright brass of young Peter’s statue a-gleam
Joyous, victorious, the heroes exclaimed,
“Now we’ve got twenty-five points to our name!”
