THE SCAVENGER HUNT

A HEROI-COMICAL POEM

CANTO I

Against what great odds do low mortals fight

And battle great trials that add to their plight

When despair and defeat loom close at hand

To defend their honor, our heroes will stand

Here me, O muse, and inspire these tales

I sing now to Pope, this work to him hails

From your wise grotto, bless this humble word

And let the story of this hunt be heard

A set of three heroes we find on a quest

Each committed to this perilous contest

A team of three, against other ten

To avoid kitchen duty and the filthy food bin

With a hopeful swagger they move on their way

Through the lanes of London on a cool winter’s day

Young Madeline is the first of the team

A funky, cool girl held in all’s high esteem

She hailed from Virginia, and her musical taste

Gave her skills to become Wake-radio based

Fair Jessica is the next of the crew

And of every movie and reference she knew

She was known for her power to make anyone laugh

And once all she said was, “Look at this graph.”

Wise Sophia was there, the last of the bunch

Legend says she only eats grilled cheese for lunch

She was known for her beauty and her love of the arts

But she still found the humor in a joke about farts

And so on they went, in search of progress

The landmarks of London the key to success

With each picture they took, their points would increase

And from doing dishes they would be released

Their scavenging took them to the heart of Hyde Park

Where Peter Pan’s statue was their next mark

They traversed gravel paths and wove through the trees

They crossed busy roads and avoided the geese

Until at long last they arrived at the road

That led straight into the elusive abode

A picture of Peter was soon to be taken

Our heroes’ confidence could not be shaken

All of a sudden, a villain leapt out

Blocking the path and causing a shout

A monstrous creature with fierce, sharp claws

Unpredictable eyes and sharp teeth in his jaw

A gnarled scar ran from his ear to his maw

And wounds from past battles tattooed his front paw

At his menacing snarl our heroes stopped cold

Against such a beast, it is hard to be bold

Maddie, out front, was the one most exposed

But amidst this new danger she stayed composed

“Dear squirrel,” she said, with bravado and might,

“Please let us pass. We do not want to fight.”

But the beast did not move; they could see in his eyes

Desperation, and hunger, despite his small size

Then Jessica braved a challenging step

And Sophia drew out her weapon in prep

Her sword has been crafted with ancient technique

Though nothing so deadly had been known to the Greeks

It was even more powerful than iron or stone

It was a saber of light from a trusty iPhone!

A line of blue light was clear on the screen

Justice and hope rang clear from its beam

The squirrel was too scrappy to run out of fear

But even he knew that his end was near

The heroes charged into battle with a great battle cry

With the courage of heroes and their weapons held high

At once the beast saw what his fate was to be

And scampered away up a nearby oak tree

The battle was won! The heroes, elated,

went on their way as they celebrated

At last they could see, at the side of the stream

The bright brass of young Peter’s statue a-gleam

Joyous, victorious, the heroes exclaimed,

“Now we’ve got twenty-five points to our name!”