This past week alone has been absolutely horrendous for survivors of sexual assault to go through. There has been ridicule to sexual assault survivors, the emergence of #WhyIDidn'tReport on Twitter, and, generally, just the trial of Brett Kavanaugh alone. While many have been receptive and accepting of Christine Blasey Ford, believing her accusation against Kavanaugh, others have not been. More specifically, our President has been the least accepting.
Most recently, Trump has sent out a warning for young men everywhere, telling them that it's a scary time to be them:
I'm sorry, but... what?
This "scary time" that Trump is describing for men has been a woman's reality for ages. The only reason that it's scary for men now is because they might actually be held accountable for their actions. They might actually have to think before they "grab her by the p*ssy," as our President so quaintly put it.
I walk with my keys in my hands to use as a weapon if someone grabs me. I was given mace when I got to college, because it's not safe for a young woman to walk by herself at night. I was taught to never leave any drink unattended at the bars or at parties, to use the buddy system when going out late at night, to lock my car door immediately upon getting into it, to not instigate fights when men try to break these boundaries that I have. I have been grabbed, groped, pulled away from people, and I've seen it happen to my friends – by strangers and by friends – and have been called a tease, a whore, a bitch, a slut, and even worse when I stand up for myself or my friends. You, Mr. Trump, do not get to tell me that this is a scary time for men who sexually assault when women are the ones that have to stay continuously aware of how we can avoid being assaulted by men like you, every day. And if it does happen, men like you make sure that no believes us. You use your power and your hate and your words to protect the men like you, so that the blame for anything that happened will fall upon us. Tell me, where's the righteousness in that?
Let me tell you guys why I believe sexual assault survivors when they say that something happened to them... Because one in five women will be raped throughout their lifetime, and one in three will experience some form of sexual violence. Because a study showed "63.3% of men at one university who self-reported acts qualifying as rape or attempted rape admitted to committing repeat rapes." Because 63% of sexual assaults are not reported to police, and only between 2%-10% of those cases that are reported are false accusations. And what's worse? According to RAINN's website, "Out of every 1000 cases of rape, 994 perpetrators will walk away free."
So, the next time that you try and tell one of your female friends about how "scary of a time it is to be a man" right now, remember her battles. Remember that at least one girl (but probably more) that you know has been a victim of sexual assault. Remember that we don't always report for various reasons – because we're scared, because we don't want to ruin someone's life (although ours has already been ruined), because he will likely walk away free anyway, because we don't think anyone would believe us. And remember that the only men that should be afraid right now are the ones who are sexually assaulting women.
Be an ally to the female community. Show them compassion when they talk about issues like this, because it's most likely coming from a place of relatability. Believe them when they speak out. And don't make the situation at hand about how hard it is to be a guy right now.
And to anyone that's been assaulted, know that there are resources you can utilize, and that you can always reach out to me. I will always believe you.