I hide under my blankets and cower in fear. It's dark out, and there are monsters out there somewhere. There's a nightlight in the hall and a streetlight outside my window, but that doesn't help at all. Everyone knows monsters can't get to you if you're underneath a blanket. So, I hide under the blanket and breathe as slowly and quietly as possible. After hiding under the blanket for long enough, six-year-old me finally forgets about monsters and drifts off to sleep.
I've been afraid of the dark for most of my life. To fall asleep properly I'd need to turn on the light in the hall, or have a nightlight nearby. If I didn't have these amenities, it would take me hours before I could rest easily. So when it came time for high school and my parents told me that we would be moving back to our old house, I freaked out. I cried, I pleaded, I threatened, and finally I just ended up giving up. It was out of my control, no matter what I wanted, we were still moving to our old property.
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I was screwed.
It's dark where I live.
I'm scared of the dark.
Our old house is in the middle of nowhere. Well, Hope, Maine to be exact. Maine is a big state, and Hope is a small town tucked away in the woods. Our closest neighbor is five hundred feet through dense woods and there's a grand total of one streetlight on our entire road. The woods are full of wild animals, coyotes and fishers, things that scream in the night. The nearest form of civilization is Camden, a ten minute drive through twisting roads.
As I mentioned, there was no room for negotiation. So, we moved back o Hope, Maine. I came reluctantly, miserable and complaining most of the time. I never let my family know the real reason I didn't want to go, so I gave feeble excuses.
"I'll miss my friends!"
"I'll have to make new friends!"
"There's nothing to do there!"
"It's a different/new school!"
None of my excuses worked, of course. They were just methods of me coping with the fact that I was terrified of living in the cold, dark wilderness of Maine. But I ended up living here, and I ended up liking it.
Just the other night, my girlfriend and I took a blanket and hiked up to a hill behind my house. It was about midnight, and it was completely dark out. Okay, I lied, the moon was almost full, so we could see a fair bit. But we still needed flashlights. We trekked up the hill, spooked some deer, and looked at the stars. It was beautiful and surreal (and very romantic). This was not something I could have done a few years ago. I would have been petrified with fear at my doorstep.
My understanding of the dark has changed. I am no longer scared of it. My experiences living in the dark, seemingly scary woods of Maine has flipped my view around. No longer do I cower at the dark.
Instead, I seek out the dark. I escape from the constant burning light of city life and look for the darkness. Because it's there that I can see the stars.
