How is it that females strong as bulls and courageous as lionesses are terrified of things human beings crave? Why is it that brains so concise yet beautifully abstract let a positive emotion be so negative and unsettling? What made it possible that the most loving, compassionate and gentle ladies the same who are mortified of getting the same love they put out in return? When did the most joyful, enthusiastic creatures in the universe decide they were scared of "happy"?
Where did they go wrong?
Who is getting in the way of the happiness they deserve?
Happy, to these girls, is a word that makes them smile but silently shake from inside— from pure terror. The word makes them shake so much from within, you swear you can almost see their eyes shake in their skulls. To some, being afraid of happy sounds silly.
But to others like me? It's the painful reality. I mean, being happy means a situation is going good or getting better. Meaning—it can go wrong. It can cause pain. Heartbreak. Disappointment. Failure.
Yes, perhaps it's a bit morbid to think about it that way. But some people have faced so much pain, heartbreak, and agony it's the only logical way to think about the whole situation; a brilliant, yet cruel defense mechanism.
As brilliant as the defense mechanism appears, it doesn't have to be that way. As the "Queen of Thick Skin", that's saying a lot. As someone who continues to get in their own way, that's not the kind of defense mechanisms we are supposed to be mastering. And it's definitely not something you have to be "used to".
We are supposed to guard ourselves, but not to the degree where we get in the way of our own happiness (spoiler alert— YOU are what gets in the way of your happiness).
As much as you wish you could say that you are the problem and that you can't ever be truly happy, I see you. I see right through you because I am you. You sit there and have guys lined up. You look at each one, and dismiss them as quickly as they came because of silly minor character flaw that you try to justify as a total deal-breaker or red flag (just because he played football in high school doesn't mean he's a bad guy—I've tried that excuse).
And it only worked long enough for him to lose interest in me— that's all that really matters. Next.
For someone who is so brave and mighty, you have let so many great opportunities slip away because you were afraid. There is nothing wrong with being afraid and it's okay to admit you're afraid, but limiting your happiness and success due to past experiences isn't very brave, nor is it mighty.
Whether it be past relationships, friendships, or even family dysfunction, it can all add up to a valid but illogical fear of happiness.
You have to stop getting in the way of your own happiness. It's definitely easier said (even easier typed) than done. It's definitely preaching to the choir. It's definitely also a matter of "practice what you preach". But from one girl afraid of being happy to another— it's a stepwe have to take.
You deserve happiness, despite what has happened in the past.
You deserve happiness, despite what role you played in creating your past.
You deserve happiness because the words "past" and "future" are not interchangeable. What happened in the past may not necessarily happen in the future, you are in control.
Life sucks. Circumstance sucks. Boys suck. Girls suck. Parents suck. Siblings suck. Work sucks. School sucks. Bosses suck. Landlords suck. Relationships suck.
But guess what? The past is not the future—you are in control. Forgiveness and acceptance can go a long way.
They don't have to suck.
You can be the happiest little thing in the world if only you stop getting in your own way.
Go on the date, take the job, forgive your Mom, quit drinking, stop gossiping about your best friend— do whatever you think it is that will help you grow and live a happy, fulfilled life.
You deserve it. The past is not your fault. You are worth it.
Please, stop being scared of "happy".
