Ever since the eighth grade, I had my future planned out for me. I would attend a four-year college to receive my Bachelors in biology with an emphasis in pre-med, attend nursing school on the west coast for another two years, and finally graduate, ready to take on the world as a registered nurse in California. With this vision in mind, I thought that once I graduated, the world was my oyster; my dream job in my dream state, what else what a girl want?

But as high school rolled around, I became seclusive and obedient to my studies. Because of this, I never considered relationships, partying, or "having fun" in high school because I feared that it would interfere with my plan. Here and there I would go out with friends on midnight Taco John's runs, head over to my friend's house to play video games, or catch a movie. But that was the extent of my social life. Days on end, I would be on the same routine: go to school, attend practice, come home, study, eat, sleep, repeat. Success in my classes was my only focus. If I even get a B on an assignment, paper, or test, I would become so disappointed in myself thinking that I was a failure and would never make it as a nurse. Grades, placement percentiles, and ACT scores took over my life to the point where I would mentally beat myself up if I would not preform as well as I thought I could. At this point, it was no longer for just wanting to meet the university's and college's standards, but striving to meet my own unreachable expectations.

High school came to an end and everything that I had once thought to be my joy became my worst nightmare. Graduation day had come and gone but the graduation party was kept alive at my house. There was a constant flow of friends, family and strangers who would come up to me congratulating me on my accomplishments while also asking me what I wanted to do with my life. And with a forced smile on my face I told them I going to study to be a registered nurse and that I've already been accepted into the biology program at my school. Most of the replies were of optimism and excitement, but one comment made by a family friend from church resonated with me the most:

"You must be so happy!"

My heart became heavy and just sank to the bottom of my stomach. Those five words sent me into a spiral of regret and anger. Was I truly happy?

For four years, I had been dedicated to a life I wasn't even living yet, wasting away hours where I could have spent my time enjoying my high school experience, spending time with my friends, going to more football games, attending more than one school dance a year. I spent the whole summer feeling sorry for myself and finally it was only two days before freshman class registration at my college.

Here is where my internal crisis really began: did I still want to go through with my plan to be a nurse even though I wasn't ever truly happy with it in the first place? I had prepared for this moment for years and to throw it all the way seemed like a huge mistake. And what else would I do if it wasn't biology? I wasn't good as good at arts as my other friends were and I wasn't cut out for technology. So what is there for me?

Then it dawned on me. I thought back to when the stress on school and homework became too much, where I would go to my senior English teacher and vent in the form of my journal. The journal was used as a weekly requirement for developing our writing skills and I ended up using mine as my venting space. When I was happy, sad, frustrated, confused or angry I would write in my journal. Eventually I became close with my English teacher where she would recommend different inspiring poetry books, motivating and touching nonfiction novels, entertaining fiction stories; all of which drew me back to her recommendations. She introduced me to a field of study that I felt foreign to but made me feel a sense of belonging. I had finally found an area of study that made me feel empowered to express myself and to love what I was pursuing. From then on, two days before registering for college classes, I decided I was declaring as an English major.

Talking to my parents was probably the hardest part about expressing my change of heart. For years, I have expressed my hopes and dreams of helping people in the nursing field and telling them that I have changed my mind gave them worry. Was an English major cut out for any profitable jobs? Am I going to become a teacher? Would I still continue to change my mind after I enter college?

To be completely honest, I am not one-hundred percent sure on what I'm going to do after college and that's okay. Publishing and editing are high on my radar, but I'm also open to job options of teaching and education. For now, I want to keep my options open. I don't want to return to that state of mind I had in high school where I had a distinct focus but rather a major that can give me many open doors after college.

Now, I'm a college second year and couldn't be happier both in and out of classes. Moral of the story is never doubt yourself. And lastly, if you find yourself in a time of doubt or stress, it's okay to let go and start anew. Don't focus too much on the future and live in the now because you will never get that time back. Your happiness is worth more than your future paycheck.