Anyone who has a Russian babushka can attest to the fact that she has certain phrases that are unique to her personality. After nearly two decades of learning the fine discipline of Babushka code, I can now confidently exclaim that I've become an expert in translating her cryptic words. Whether you're Russian or not, this list of five funny phrases that my grandmother says is sure to make you laugh!
1. Don't even think about not eating everything your babushka gives you...
Having already depleted half a gallon of borscht along with a gut-busting sum of four pierogi, my intestines begin to surrender to the cavalry of food attacking them and I slowly sink into a food coma. My grandmother, on the other hand, looks at me puzzled, and inquires:
Babushka code: "You've barely eaten a thing! How can you be full?"
Decryption: "You're not leaving this table until you've tried everything."
2. Walking around in less than four layers during wintertime! What are you, insane?
Winter's appearance has come upon the horizon, prompting the season's first snowflakes. After a long week, I arrive at babushka's for Friday tea-time, excited as ever to indulge upon her heavenly pastries. I walk through the door in a light sweater and jeans, and the initial smile spread across her face transforms into an expression of alarm. Loudly, my grandmother proclaims:
Babushka code: "What, are you trying to freeze to death on purpose so that babushka is left without great-grandchildren?"
Decryption: "Your attire is completely inappropriate for the cold weather outside!"
3. And don't forget that your brain needs a lot of sugar to function!
Focused as ever on my calculus homework, beside me suddenly appears an entire bowl filled with chocolates, paired with a plateful of grapes and other fruits. My grandmother then states:
Babushka code: "Your brain can only function properly with enough glucose!"
Decryption: "I can tell you're bored studying, so here are some sweets to cheer you up."
4. It's just a small snack.
Probably the most dangerous thing that one can do when in the presence of my babushka is to utter the words "I'm hungry." But, just before she begins to unload the refrigerator, I tell her that all I want is a small snack, putting an incredible emphasis on the word small. "Da, da," my grandmother reassures me. Each time, I fall for her trick during which she pretends to internalize my response, and, each time, I am presented with an entire cheese danish and a hefty slice of torte. When I look up all surprised at grandma, she simply claims:
Babushka code: "It's just a small snack!"
Decryption: "This is your punishment for not eating enough pierogis at dinner yesterday."
5. Just Weather Channel Things...
My grandmother is addicted to the Weather Channel. It plays incessantly on her television, even when it's a beautiful summer's day with no storm in sight. Whenever the radar forecasts rain, my grandmother will wave me over to the TV, point to the radar, and say:
Babushka code: "Well, isn't that interesting..."
Decryption: "We're about to have a terrible rainstorm and if you think I'm going to let you drive home in this weather, you should just glue me to this chair!"
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