This week, while at work, I had a seven-year-old boy give me solid life advice: “If someone ever wants to kiss you, just get super dirty so that when they look at you, they’ll just run away.”

I laughed at the clever idea of avoiding “that kiss” you can only hope never happens.

After he had made that comment, my mind began to drift to all of the stories I’ve heard about avoiding a kiss. There’s the classic one about claiming you’re sick. There are ones about no eye contact and a quick side hug on the door step so they get the idea. And for me, I’ve just had to take three long strides backwards and walk away. It’s always awkward. For both parties.

Why do women do these kinds of things? Why do we feel like we have to make excuses to prevent ourselves from being kissed? Why do we keep our hands in our pockets during dates in order to get out of hand holding? Why do we sit on the opposite side of the couch so the guy is physically unable to put his arm around us? Why don’t we just say no?

I think it’s important to remember that in any relationship, romantic or not, both people have the right to say no in every situation. We need to stop feeling the pressure to do things that we aren’t comfortable with. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting the exact same thing as your partner.

It can be hard to be open and honest with another person. Telling them you’re uncomfortable in a certain physical situations isn’t easy. Telling a roommate that you’re not okay with them taking your food from the fridge isn’t easy. Telling your mom that feeding your kids whatever they ask for isn’t okay with you isn’t easy. But it will pay off.

You have the ability to choose. You don’t have to live and feel as though you don’t have control over your life. Yes, there are definitely things out of your circle of control, but saying no to things negatively affecting you is an option.

I have found a lot of relief in being able to say no. I find myself at peace much more often because I no longer feel obliged to do things that trouble me. I have learned to stand up for my opinions, standards, and desires. I am free.

Next time you feel your male friend leaning in a little too close or you get invited to an activity you don't feel good about, say no. It pays off.