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25 Funny Ways To Say 'No' To Alcohol

Don't succumb to the pressure! Learn how to say no in a fun and different way!

Jeffrey Mayo

Feb 22, 2024

Miami University

8737

a sign about alcohol - a Dangerous and Unnecessary Medicine

Jeffrey Mayo

Sometimes we get stuck in sticky situations with friends that can leave us in an awkward position. Not everyone likes to drink and often in college you might find yourself being offered a drink. Don’t feel awkward, there’s no need to be weird about it! Here are 25 funny ways to say no to alcohol that get the message across without making anyone feel uncomfortable.

1. “I can’t. I’m underaged."

man in green crew neck shirt smiling Photo by Timothy Dykes on Unsplash

2. “I have an 8 a.m. tomorrow!”

3. “Drinking makes me bloated.”

4. “I’m gluten-free, sorry.“

5. “It’s the Lord’s Day!”

woman praying Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

6. “I respect the Justice System.”

7. “That drink probably isn’t helping your weight gain, Stacey!”

8. “I told my mom I wouldn’t take a drink from anyone who looks like they make less than six figures.”

9. “I don’t need alcohol to have fun and dance, I have the rhythm of life.”

10. “I’m already drunk, actually!”

woman in black tank top Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

11. “No thank you, vodka is the drink of the godless Bolshevik.”

12. “Drinking gives me really weird BMs.”

13. “You’re not of age, I’m calling the police!”

14. “You’re not of age, and I AM the police!”

15. “I’m on the Whole 30”

selective focus photography of tape measure Photo by Siora Photography on Unsplash

16. “Just a beer? Where I’m from we make REAL drinks with lighter fluid, Gatorade, and a little bit of Rosé!”

17. “I’m already popular, I don’t need to drink.”

18. “OK, but the last time I drank I killed a guy.”

19. “I don’t have secrets I’m hiding from so I can stay sober.”

20. “Someone needs to drive and your car smells bad so it’s gotta be me!”

woman in gray hoodie sitting inside car during daytime Photo by Jenny Ueberberg on Unsplash

21. “I have to meet with my probation officer tomorrow morning and I probably shouldn’t be hungover.”

22. “I value my brain cells.”

23. “Would you offer your mother a Fuzzy Nave?!”

24. “You mean to tell me you ruined a perfectly good jar of cherries by soaking them in alcohol?!”

25. “I’m a Mormon."

man in pink dress shirt sitting on brown wooden bench reading book Photo by Manny Becerra on Unsplash

There you have it folks, 25 surefire ways to turn down the Devil's nectar and keep things cool. The last thing you'd wanna do is look like a square, right? Remember, it's cool to be yourself. Never consume something you don't want to for someone else's sake.

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25 Funny Ways To Say 'No' To Alcohol

Don't succumb to the pressure! Learn how to say no in a fun and different way!

Subscribe to our Newsletter

We don't buy into these... just like how we don't buy our friends.

8. "The whole philanthropy thing isn't real, right?"

7. "I don't need to buy my friends."

6. "Oh, so I'll bet you love to drink."

5. "Can you tell me some of your secrets?"

4. "What do you do at your meetings?"

3. "Do you guys haze really badly?"

2. "Is it just like in the movies?"

1. "Sororities are so basic."

There are plenty of obstacles that come when taking care of kids, but it's a very rewarding experience.

1. You get excited when the parents purchase season passes to the pool.

2. You've become friends with the stay-at-home moms in town.

3. You get a chance to eat "kid foods" again.

4. You've traded in your cute purse for a large tote bag.

5. You have at least one car seat in your backseat.

6. Their nap time is your happy time.

7. Lunch time can be a disaster.

8. You have to play the same board games repeatedly.

9. You catch yourself using the same lines your parents once told you.

10. Your "mom-mode" kicks in at times.

11. Your heart melts a little when they do something cute.

You'll never find any souvenirs with your name on it

1. You know you are up next when the teacher pauses while taking attendance

2. When “I’m going to do my very best to make sure I know all your names” is said, it may or may be an empty promise

3. “Wow! That sounds so cool! Where is your family from?”

4. You dread when people ask you to repeat your name over and over because it “sounds so cool when you say it”

5. There’s a 50/50 chance that your name will come back either correct or incorrect at Starbucks

6. People try to find shorter, easier nicknames for you instead of calling you by your actual name

7. When someone famous or fictional character shares your name, you get so happy

8. “What’s your name?” “It’s [name]” “I’m sorry, what was it again?”

9. You’ve pretty much seen every misspelling and heard every mispronunciation of your name throughout your life

10. When you find another person with an “ethnic” sounding name, you both get excited

11. Despite the struggles, your name is pretty unique… just like you

Can I be excused for the rest of my life?

Don't Be That Person

1. “Oh, so you/your family are immigrants!”

2. “Is Puerto Rico near Mexico?”

3. “Do you speak Puerto Rican?”

4. “You look too light/dark to be Puerto Rican.”

5. “Do I need my passport to go to Puerto Rico?”

6. “Geez, you are obsessed with your flag. We get it, you’re Puerto Rican.”

7. “Why are you so loud?”

8. “So does your family know English?”

9. “Oh my god, Puerto Ricans are so spicy.”

10. “So did you eat a lot of tacos?”

11. “Are you Mexican?”

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