I'm definitely a people pleaser. Saying no is difficult when someone asks me for a favor or to go out and do something. Since I never stop loving to do what I can for the people I care about, I end up taking on way too much sometimes. This can involve the odd chore for my boyfriend, stopping at the grocery store for my mom on my way home. You get it— the list goes on. These favors stack up and as if that isn't already time-consuming and exhausting in addition to going to college full-time, going out becomes its own chore. Attending a party or seeing a movie in theaters with somebody I love is generally fun, but not as much when I find all of my personal time consumed by it.
When I say "no," I feel like I'm letting that person down and it can mean losing out on an opportunity to have fun or network with people. The problem is only saying yes leads to overextension, which means performing less admirably in everything that I do. This reflects negatively in my homework, my exercise and health, and my relationships. It's so easy to become exhausted. I'm also not actually good at the whole going to parties or hanging out with friends every weekend thing, as fun as it can be. I'm an introvert, so too much social stimulation or just being away from home for too long can downright drain the life out of me.
After so long without adequate time to recover, I just do not feel like myself.
Look, it's still good to accomplish chores and get items checked off your to-do list. It's great to help out the people in your life! That said, there will never be a shortage of events to go to or chores to do. If somebody asks you to go out or do them a favor, just know it is perfectly okay to tell them "no." Unfortunately, you're not always going to be in a position where you can put everything on the back-burner to make other people happy.
They can do it themselves or wait to get your help later on. People are a lot more understanding than you might think if you let them know you just don't have the time or the energy to help out. Oh, and simply not being interested in whatever it is can remain a valid excuse to say "no" too (for me, sporting events are almost always a no go).
Making time to recharge and practicing saying no are good goals to strive for. Living life is not only about getting something done or going out. It's also about being aware of what you need to feel your best and taking steps to get there. Sometimes that means staying back home to read, sleep, play video games, watch Netflix, or whatever it is you do to genuinely relax. My boyfriend and I literally just fall asleep (not always intentionally) and take a nap together sometimes as a nice way to unwind.
Don't feel guilty about taking time to do your own thing. If you're anything like me, you have a list running through your head of what you need to get done, bothering you even when you're trying to fall asleep. Just tell that nagging voice in your head, that one saying you should be productive right now, to be quiet. Taking care of yourself is productive.
