Throughout my life, I have learned hard lessons in life about friendships. You know when it's time to say goodbye.
A friendship anymore isn't one that lasts a lifetime in many situations. You can be friends for a week, a month, a year or for 20 years. But the majority of the time, friendships just don't last. You know when it's time to say goodbye. When they stop calling. When they stop texting. When they only reach out when they want something. Or when they make excuses why you don't talk anymore. It's time to move forward, thank God for sending them into your life for the period they were in your life. And then close the door and walk away as you say goodbye.
Friendships are a special thing. They can be an amazing thing. They can be a life-changing thing. They can be full of heartaches. They can fill you with anger. They can fill your soul with pain. They can make you question your faith in why God would send you someone so special and then take them away. And they can change your life forever.
You will take a moment now and again to look back on a certain friend that was in your life. You will smile thinking about all the great conversations you had, the time you went out socially, the time you spent together, how special your friendship was and then stop in sadness as you realize they aren't there anymore. On an occasion, a friend passes away. On an occasion, they move away. But more times than anything, they still live in the same town, the same state, the same zip code, and even work at the same place. They may even attend the same church that you used to go. But you don't talk to them anymore. And they don't bother trying to talk to you anymore.
You know when it's time to say goodbye. When you can't recall the last time you talked to them. When all you could remember was how many times they didn't call you back. When you can recall how many times you've made plans with them that they never came through with. When all you can think about is how many times you called or texted them first and they never responded. Or when they did, you'd begin a conversation and they'd simply stop responding.
And when you look back on friendships, realize how many phone numbers you've deleted, how many social media accounts you've deleted, how many contacts you've updated, and how many people that you once knew aren't in your life any longer, it makes you said. But you know in reality it's for the best. Because if they aren't there in the first place, they haven't supported you, they've made excuse why they don't call, talk to you or reach out, you know when it's time to say goodbye.
Losing a friend will always hurt. You will always be sad. On occasion, you will be angry. You will point fingers. You want to blame someone. You may even want to blame yourself. But friendship is a two-way street. If one person or the other has to make all the effort, that's not a friendship. If one person only calls when it's convenient, that's not a friendship. If they only call when they want something, that's not a friendship. If they only reach out to you when they want you to invest in their business, sell you something or try to convince you to be part of some "great new organization," that's not a friendship.
If someone only reaches out to you to find out why you aren't in church but doesn't ask about you, doesn't ask about your family, doesn't want to know how you're doing, and has no clue what's going on in your life, that's not a friendship. That's when you know it's time to say goodbye.
It hurts to delete a phone number of someone you may have known for a week, a month or a year that has had a special connection in your life. It hurts to go through a social media friends list and delete people you once knew. It hurts to even think about losing someone. But if you can't recall the last time you talked, the last time they reached out, the last time you heard from them, or you don't even know what they're doing? That's not a friendship. That's simply another person who has passed through your life for a specified period of time and has moved on. Or you've moved on.
And you know when it's time to say goodbye.
I don't like losing friends. You don't like losing friends. Nobody likes losing friends. But is there a reason to keep someone around that doesn't make an effort? Is there a reason to keep someone in your life that doesn't ask how you're doing, doesn't even pretend they care, or stops talking to you the minute you stop going to church, participating in a social group, stop going to therapy or even stop going to some activity you'd done together? If you stop working at an employer and all of the sudden the contact stops, is there a reason why you should keep them in your life? It's time to say goodbye, look back, have good memories, thank God for putting them in your life, and move on.
You know a friendship when you see one. You can tell when a friendship is going to last. You can tell when a friendship needs to come to an end. You know when it's not a good thing to have certain people in your life. You can make your own choices. Friendships can be some of the most special experiences in the world. But they can also be heartbreaking, full of anger, full of disappointment, can let you down, change your life for the good, bad and ugly, and change your opinion of people.
If you meet friends in church, you can prepare yourself for losing them the minute you stop going to church. If you change employers, most times you can plan on not keeping contact with a majority of the people you've met while working there. If you used to be a drinker and you stop, you can plan on most occasions not having any contact with the bar friends you used to have. If you attended college and don't stay active, you can most times plan on making new friends once you leave. If you've done certain things in your life involving certain people that you don't do any longer, you might as well start looking for new friends.
Friendships can change your life for good or bad. They can change your opinion of people. They can make a positive impact on you but can also fill you with anger, disappointment, and disgust. And only you know when it's time to say goodbye to a friendship.
Eventually, it's time to walk out the door, close it softly behind you and never look back. You can be angry at those friends that aren't going to be a part of your life. Or you can be thankful they were there for the time they were. Every person is put into someone's life for a minute, an hour or years. There is always a reason. Just like there is a reason why those friendships cease to exist and people move on.
Friendships - You know when to keep them. And you know when it's time to say goodbye.
In the last few years, I have said goodbye to many friends I had hoped would be in my life forever. I am in the process of saying goodbye to more friends that were once part of my days that have no business being there. They make excuses. They don't call. They don't know how I'm doing. They don't even pretend that they care. That is not a friendship anyone needs. I am thankful they were in my life for the moments they were. But it's now time to move forward, close the door, and walk away softly.
Just as everyone else knows, you and I both know there is a time for friendship. And there is a time when you know to say goodbye.
Many of you I will be saying goodbye to. It's time to move on. I have no hard feelings. I am thankful you were in my life for the time you were in my life. And I wish you and yours only the best. But I know when a friendship is no longer there and there is no purpose to keep someone in your life if they aren't having any impact on your life.
So for those of you reading, many will see this as a goodbye. And many will see this as a continuation of being in my life and saying hello to you tomorrow. Because friendships are an amazing part of life. But they can also be heartache and fill your world with pain. And only you know a friend. And when it's time to say goodbye.
