As a transman coming from an incredibly small town, support from others is the greatest gift I could ever ask for. Every day my inboxes are flooded with amazing people reaching out and giving me their words of encouragement or explaining how following my story has helped them in their own lives. There is no better feeling than knowing I made a positive impact in another's life.
Often times I'm very hesitant with how open I am with my story, should I really be sharing as much as I am? But this fear is chased away every single time a new message pops up in my inbox saying I've made an impact or helped someone in any way possible. That is what keeps me going and gives me the validation I need to know I'm doing the right thing. I have a voice that deserves to be heard. I have a story that is worth telling.
What throws me off, and what really rubs me the wrong way, is fake or conditional support. What I mean by this is; someone who supports me, but not my fellow LGBT family. For example, I was scrolling through my timeline the other day when I came across a hateful comment aimed at a transwoman in a viral video posted by someone who I thought was an ally. He was going on and on about how "if it has a penis, it's a man." "you can't change your gender!" "Penis equals boy, vagina equals girl" you know, the usual hateful, ignorant, close-minded, and exhausted phrases transphobes love to use. What's funny about this particular "man" making these comments, is that the same guy is constantly in my inbox telling me how much respect he has for me, how he's so proud, how I've inspired him. This actually happens quite frequently with various people, and when it does it leaves me dumbfounded. Is it all for show? Is it fake? What's your mission here, buddy? You're not fooling me.
Many times, I'll have individuals tell me they support me because they've known me since before I transitioned, but that they don't support other transgender folks. What sense does that make? Why do you get to pick and choose? How can you say you support me and all that I stand for, but not my fellow brothers and sisters that are facing the same battle every day?
You don't have to agree with anyone being transgender, myself included, for us to remain civil. I understand it's asking a lot of someone to accept such a radical change, but trust me when I say I will never beg for anyone's approval. I have my own acceptance and that is more than I'll ever need. Please, anyone reading this, if you don't accept me as the man I am, please don't pretend to. I would much rather have someone be upfront and honest about their opinions rather than shower me with fake love. It's such a slap in the face to one moment receive a message of encouragement and support just to turn around and see that same person slam others in the Trans community. I then feel as if I'm being kept a secret and you don't want others to know you're "in my corner".
If you're going to accept me or anyone else based on their gender identity or sexual orientation, or whatever else it may be, you need to accept everyone else in that community as well. You can't pick and choose who you accept, it doesn't work that way.
My message and my story have the same foundation as any other person struggling with their gender identity. We are all fighting the same battle, support all of us or don't support any of us at all.
You cannot praise and support me if you're not willing to give that same respect to my fellow LGBT family. I am not the transman you can come to with your support just to give yourself a clear conscious or to feel good about yourself. If only I have your support, then I don't want it.
We are one and we stand together.
