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If You're Lucky Enough To Have A Savage Best Friend Then You Know These 5 Things

No friend of mine would EVER food shame me.

Julia Bosco

May 17, 2018

University of Kansas

1255

If You're Lucky Enough To Have A Savage Best Friend Then You Know These 5 Things

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We all have friends we hang out with, some people are just acquaintances, and some people we just tolerate. However, there are those few gems we hold dear to our heart that just get us.

It could be your sibling, your friend from kindergarten, your dog, or even your mom. Whoever it is, your best friend is in your life for a reason and hopefully has made you pee your pants laughing at one point or another.

There are many arguments as to what makes someone a best friend; however, I believe there are a few things that are extremely important when it comes to what makes someone ‘your person’. Here is a list of five things that make a savage best friend.

1. Encourage their food addictions

If you care about me then you support my Dominos addiction. No friend of mine would EVER food shame me. Do you like donuts? Honey, you deserve one. I support your investment in Krispy Kreme so hard.

2. Text them your random thoughts

It’s 3 o’clock in the morning…you bet your a** I want to hear about your horrible startup company idea about holographic dog collars. If I haven’t talked to you in forever and I text you a random meme with no context, this friendship is for life.

3. Only I Can Make Fun Of You

We should all be nice to our friends but we must give our best friends a hard time. It keeps us humble when our heads get a bit too big. However, if someone other than me makes fun of that embarrassing moment you had on New Year’s, all hell will break loose and that person better sleep with one eye open

4. You don’t judge them

This one is quite obvious. If your friend judges you based on your actions or your beliefs then you may want to reconsider being friends with them. You decided to transfer schools? They are lucky to have you! You’re converting to Judaism? Mazel Tov!

You’re moving to a really sketchy area? I’ll help you padlock your door! You hooked up with some guy I don’t know? Send me a pic and let me know if he has any friends! Support your friends, even if you don’t support their situation. BOOM.

5. You’ve got their back…always

Chase broke up with Susie, which means you better be at her apartment in five minutes with Ben and Jerry’s and some god damn John Hughes’ movies. A good friend comforts you but a best friend will plot the mysterious disappearance of the person who hurt you.

If they aren’t there to help you draft six text messages and do some FBI level stalking with you, are you even best friends?

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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If You're Lucky Enough To Have A Savage Best Friend Then You Know These 5 Things

No friend of mine would EVER food shame me.

1. Encourage their food addictions

3. Only I Can Make Fun Of You

4. You don’t judge them

5. You’ve got their back…always

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Because have you ever had to endure grilling your foot on a George Foreman?

1. When he just wanted bacon from his George Foreman grill

2. When he had money (and Jan) issues

3. When he got upstaged at Phyllis' wedding

4. When he unintentionally saved Meredith from rabies

5. When he wore a "bisexual" suit

6. When he had to apologize to Jesus

7. When his GPS drove him into a lake

8. When he had to deal with Ryan as his boss

9. When he couldn't fulfill his most generous empty promise

10. When this happened

11. When he struggled with a X-Mas break up

12. When he had to defend his generosity

13. When he threw a classy Christmas party for Holly but she had a boyfriend

14. When he had to stand up to peer pressure

15. When Toby was "Toby-ish"

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

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