I would feel happy, but the thing is that I am never truly happy because life doesn't work like that. We are told to be happy and to fall in love, but wait for it because we are suppose to learn in college. What if you haven't fallen in love, do you continue to fall deeper into depression because of your loneliness. Loneliness, the thing I talk about the most because I am always near it. Love is something that isn't close to my heart, but it is close to me because I fear it. I don't think it is something to be afraid of, but something that is afraid of me.
I am made out to be afraid because I don't want marriage or kids, but I am not afraid of commitment because I don't want that lifestyle for myself. Why is it so bad not to be married or to want kids? Is it so weird that I can be totally healthy and just want to have fun. Now don't label me just because I said have fun, that wouldn't be right. I don't think about all the hard things in life because I want to live a stress free life, but people don't understand that. They think that you can't be truly happy unless you are with someone.
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People like this present you with a gift called companionship and try to pass it along to you as a placebo. My gift was a thorn bow, a weapon that can get me into places, but it hurts to use. I bleed every time I use it and it leaves scars on my arms and hands. Why do I keep using it then? I use it because people always give me hope, hope that I won't feel alone. Using the weapon hurts, but actually firing off the arrow hurts more. If they just kept their mouth shut then I wouldn't be scarred up, but I should blame myself. I should have kept on the mask that I continue to wear, but I needed to look in order to fire that bow. I had to take off that mask and show my true self, but the pain follow because of that. Instead of being stone faced I actually showed some emotion.
Sadness is love wrapped in a thorn bow because we are shown a present that we never truly needed. We are given something that we think we need in order to spice up our lives, but we don't need it. Like a drug, it only gives you momentary pleasure. For some that pleasure last forever and for others that pleasure last just seconds before the withdrawal kick in. I don't want to take that drug because I don't want to know what the aftereffects are. Most times the aftereffects are worse than the actual drug and you begin to learn that you were better off without know about the drug in the first place. Wrap that bow back up and put it in the closet where it belongs.
