When word broke of Donald Trump's latest PR snafu - a series of incendiary, blatantly misogynistic tweets towards Morning Joe host Mika Brzezinski - I wasn't surprised.

Just exasperated that yet another incident is taking attention away from real issues like health care, and that I'd have to read even more defensive tweets from a man whose writing skills invite unfavorable comparisons to half-assed elementary school book reports, and that-

You know what? F**k it. Let's get out some pencils and further blur the line between legitimate journalism and alternative facts with a few rounds of Sean SpicerSarah Huckabee Sanders the next sacrifice to the White House PR gods's favorite game - Sad Libs®!

Fun to play with friends and enemies!!

The rules are simple: choose the story which most closely matches whatever political controversy is dominating the news cycle, fill in the blanks, and read it aloud. Will it make any sense? Probably not. But it's not like real news makes any more sense than fill-in-the-blank party games you play when drunk, carsick, babysitting small children, or all three.

President Trump's New Tweet

Everyone loves using [social media platform], but no one loves it more than President Trump. Yesterday, he [verb ending in -ed] all about [group of people] and how much he doesn't like them. [number] people agreed with him, but [another number] thought that his tweets were [adjective] and [another adjective]. Some even demanded that he [verb]!

But their [plural noun] don't matter to the President. Their [another plural noun] are about as [adjective] as a(n) [noun] to him, because he knows he's always right. All the [noun] who elected him think so too!

Eventually people will forget about this tweet, though [news source] will hold it against him for months to come. Just another reason why the media is so [adjective]!

A Bill on Capitol Hill

Today was a busy day in Washington because the GOP introduced a new bill. Their bill will [verb] the [privileged social group] by taking away [noun], [plural noun], and [another noun] from [disadvantaged social group]. But the Democrats don't like the bill. They say it's [adjective], [another adjective], & goes against the principles of (the) [proper noun].

People online don't know what (how) to [verb]. Some agree with the GOP, while others agree with the Democrats. Both sides spend their time online [verb ending in -ing] memes, writing [adjective] rants, and arguing with each other. It's impossible to go [number] posts without stumbling on something related to the bill, or a conspiracy theory, or [adjective] news stories.

Very few among the citizenry, or even on Capitol Hill, will consider the issue from a non-partisan perspective. For the foreseeable future, Congress will be a [number]-ringed [noun] where little can be accomplished.

Sean Spicer's Bad Day

Sean Spicer had a bad day.

First the press wanted to ask him questions about [controversial topic], so he hid [preposition] the [plural noun]. People went on [social media platform] and made fun of him. This made Sean Spicer [emotion].

Then Sean Spicer had to take the podium. He didn't know how to respond to the reporters because half of Trump's responses are [adjective], and he certainly couldn't share those. So he [verb ending in -ed], and made an off-color comment by mistake. This made Sean Spicer [emotion].

Sean Spicer thought his day couldn't get any worse, but then he remembered it was [day of the week]. That meant [same day of the week] Night Live was on, and that [female celebrity] would be doing her best impression of him. People loved her jokes, and Sean Spicer even found himself laughing a few times.

Then he remembered that by laughing at [same female celebrity]'s impression, he was laughing at himself. And that made Sean Spicer very, very [emotion].

Russian Questions

[Trump cabinet member] testified before a Senate committee about Russia. He claimed that Russia [verb ending in -ed] about the election with [another member of Trump's cabinet]. Additionally, he alleged that [some illegal activity] and [possible Constitutional violation] transpired.

Trump, for his part, denies everything. He [verb ending in -ed] that those dirty [political party]s are starting a witch hunt. But those tweets contradicted earlier statements about Russia. What should we believe?

Kellyanne Conway and [current White House Press Secretary] aren't helping matters much. They try to [verb] the discussion around to be about topics like [Trump achievement], how [number] approve of Trump, and the meaning of [nonsense word Trump tweeted]. But very few are fooled.

From the Desk of the President of the United States

[Proper noun] is, without a doubt, the WORST. Flat-out [adjective] and [another adjective]. How do people [verb] for this? SAD!