This past week I went through the rush process at the University of Kentucky. I’ve always wanted to join a sorority because my dad was part of Delta Sigma Phi back in the 70s and he said it totally shaped his college experience, he’d tell my brother and me stories about his frat house dog (yes, they had a dog), all the great friends he made, and the crazy pranks they’d pull. So ever since I was five years old the plan was to join a sorority right when I entered college. I achieved that! However, the process was very different from what I expected.

Here’s a quick overview of recruitment: recruitment is in rounds where potential new members get a chance to talk to a few members of each sorority, each round the houses pick the PNMs they want back and the PNMs pick the houses they want to go back to. At my school the first round you went to all 14, the next you could have a max of 10, then 6, then 4. At the end, you pick your top two and you learn which sorority you will be a part of on bid day. Of course, this is the best case scenario, most girls do not get called back to the maximum houses for each round.

First of all, know that the seriousness of recruitment typically increases with the distance south and the size of the university. A small liberal arts college in michigan will have a way more casual recruitment than Ole Miss. When I committed to Kentucky, I was worried about how my life-long sorority dream would go. I mean it’s a big, southern school, would I even like the sororities there?

For starters, I’m a northern girl. I’m not super dressy or preppy, I’m not used to the southern culture, and I’m not very “lady like”. Southern girls for the most part have a lot of class. But in addition to that, I’m a self proclaimed weirdo. I love sci fi and adult cartoons, my friends would spend our time going to the renn faire and playing pokemon go, in an impulsive decision, I shaved the side of my head back in 2013, when that started to grow out I dyed my hair purple. Then pink. I know way too much about nocturnal animals and I do like makeup but I’m absolutely awful at it.

Well here’s the thing, you should know if you’re… let’s say “eccentric” like me and not used to the preppy, done up southern culture; rushing is going to be more difficult for you. It doesn’t mean you won’t find a house that you love and that you fit into, it just means there will be less options. Think about it this way, say you are a delicious bowl of mac and cheese. If you hang out in america, the people are going to love you. Go to asia, where dairy and cheese aren’t nearly as popular, and you won’t be liked by as many people. It doesn’t mean you’re bad, just maybe not as accepted by the local culture. In my case, I’m a cup of hot, green tea in a iced sweet tea world.

By the end of the second round of recruitment, I just had one house that called me back. Well what the hell happened? Well, I’m not certain, but there’s two main things I think that caused it.

1. I’m very different from the stereotypical sorority girl. Does this mean that sorority girls are mean and don’t like people who are different? Absolutely not! Chapters try to pick people based on how much you connect with the members and how well they think you would fit in with the house, if they think you’re not going to “click” with the girls there, they won’t call you back. They know you would probably not have the best experience with the sorority, even if you are a lovely person, so that’s why you may get eliminated. (Like I said before, green tea vs sweet tea.)
2. I messed up on the dress code for the second round. I looked like a slob. Now does this mean that sorority girls only care about good looks? Also no. I’m pretty sure they thought I didn’t care. Some girls try to act as obnoxious as possible to purposefully get kicked out of houses they don’t like. Dressing well just shows that you respect the sorority (or sororities) you’re going to that day and that you are excited about the rush process. Dressing poorly, even if its unintended, can make you seem like you don’t care.

Luckily, even my sloppy dress didn’t scare away one particular sorority, which I’m now a part of! In my sorority, I’ve met girls almost frighteningly similar to me, down to weird food preferences, and girls that are polar opposite on the outside that I still adore and love to be around.

Our gamma chi's (basically recruitment mentors) would tell us to "trust the system." They were right. I love my sorority! Just remember you can still absolutely find a sorority that you fit into, even if you're different.