Death. Death was all I could think about. As he lays there in the cold, dark night, I realized what I have done. I stand there with a knife in one hand and a human heart in the other. Blood stained my long dress, dry hands, and light skin. I could hear that voice now, “There’s always an alternative option.” Over and over and over again.

But there wasn’t. Not this time.

I told myself that everything would be OK for the longest time, and now it finally can be OK.

A few months earlier:

Today was outstanding. I think. Mother and father took me to meet my husband-to-be today; I'm not quite sure, but I may like him.

At this point, any young man will satisfy my heart's desires.

A small part of me was expecting this sensation of fireworks when I first looked at him. The kind where he looks at me, I look at him, and the heat shoots up from my toes to my head all at once. The kind where he and I instantly share this connection and almost have the ability to read each other’s minds: that way we both know we share mutual feelings.

Anyways, you can’t blame a girl for hoping to experience love at first sight despite this odd society of arranged marriages. I mean, he is going to be the future King of Italy; who wouldn’t want to rule alongside that?

He’s everything a girl could want: a lovely personality, kind eyes, wealthy… or at least I guess that’s how love works.

For now, I stay a princess. “Princess Charlotte of England.”

What's the point in even expressing my opinions at this point? I'm marrying the man whether it's love or not. I don't have a choice.

The next week:

I've visited the prince again last week, but this time I traveled to Italy. Now that I'm back in England, I feel a bit more free. I've come to realize I may not love the man. My mother keeps telling me to give it time, and maybe one day I will. "You just need to get to know him better first."

"OK, mother, I'll give it a try."

As I continued my daily routine of beautiful gowns, expensive jewelry, elaborate balls, lovely chats, etc., I more often than not ended up walking the halls of the castle as a pastime.

Up and down. Down and up.

During these walks, I did a lot of thinking. I thought about the way the clouds moved in the sky. I thought about my future as queen of two nations. I thought about what I really want in a husband and in life.

Once again, I started to doubt this marriage is what I strive for.

One day I decided to change my view and get a breath of fresh air. I was outside the gates when all at once I ran back into the castle. I had seen young men around the castle all the time. Heck, I've even had lavish dates with royal men, but nothing like this.

I wasn't exactly sure what brought on such fear, but I'd thought I'd give it another go the next day. I went out around noon; maybe this boy had a routine. Maybe I might get a better opportunity to prepare myself and figure out what exactly had scared me.

So I did.

I observed him from a distance guessing what his occupation might be, how old he might be, and what his personality might be. Maybe he was a new royal guardsman or a farmer or a blacksmith. Maybe he is younger than me. Maybe he's a bit shy, and once you get to know him, he is the craziest guy around. At the least, he has to be an ordinary guy.

Oh no. He saw me!

I swear my entire face became the color of blood. He walked up to me.

This is not good.

He slipped in a smile and said, "Why hello there. And what might your name be?"

I was so shaken by his response, so I replied, "Uh... My name is Charlotte."

"Well, it is a pleasure to meet you Charlotte. I am Freeman."

As we continued the embarrassing conversation, the heat outside was not helping my already-blushing face.

WHAT IS THIS FEELING INSIDE ME?!

He flirted forever with me. To my surprise, I flirted back. I'll admit, Freeman was an attractive lad.

But then I ran. I ran as fast as my legs would let me, and it wasn't back into the castle. I'm not sure how long I was running away, but it seemed like hours. Soon enough I tired my body out. As I started walking through those woods, Freeman caught up with me.

I turned around to see him bending over to catch his breath.

"How did you find me?" I asked, panting.

He moved his arm back and forth pointing. "I followed your footprints."

Smart guy.

I started to back up knowing that I wasn't feeling completely myself. Suddenly, he walked up to me, placed his hands on my face, and kissed me.

That's the feeling inside me.

It all started making sense. Is this what love feels like? It's not what I expected it to be.

What am I doing? I am to marry the Prince of Italy!

I retreated. "I-I-I-I can't do this."

"Why not? I know you feel the same way."

I started putting up borders. "And how would you know? What makes you so smart, huh?!"

He just shrugged. I let out a breath; then I kissed him. He picked me up in his arms, and I knew he was the one. The one that makes the heat shoot up to my head from my toes all at once. The one who I feel an instant connection with. He and I both knew how we felt, and in that moment, that was all that mattered.

He slowly put my feet back on the ground.

"I am to be wed to the Prince of Italy," I blurted out.

His eyes widened as he responded, "Wha-What are we going to do?" He sat down on a nearby log as he rubbed his face up and down.

Maybe I didn't want to be royal at all. I mean, there's such a big world out there to explore.

Within that instant, I knew the answer to our problem. "Let's keep running."

"What?"

"We're already this far. Let's runaway: see things that many could only dream of, experience new surroundings, and so much more!"

"But aren't you the princess? Everyone will be wondering where you are. They may think you've died, Charlotte!"

"So let 'em. You and I, together, can be free people to wed whomever we please, go wherever we wanna go, dream whatever we want. Runaway with me."

So we did.

We continued our journey through the woods, occasionally visiting villages to go to the market and pick up a few jobs here and there. I'm not sure how long we were on the run, but soon enough I started to see signs and guards. I knew I had to hide.

When we were close to a village, I stayed hidden in the woods while Freeman visited the village to get a few items. I now had a black, hooded cape along with the peasant-like dress I already had bought.

Then we started to hear gossip of "the man last seen with the princess," so Freeman found some farmer's clothes. He cut his hair short and let his facial hair grow a beard.

We continued this for weeks until one day I was picking out some apples at a market. Freeman had found some day work while I was to gather some fruit. When I was picking out an apple, a guard walked up. I proceeded to keep quiet as he initiated conversation with me, but I could only stay silent for so long.

"You look familiar. Do you travel any?" he asked.

I tried to shrug it off and replied, "Sometimes."

"Interesting. Have you ever visited the castle where the King and Queen of England live?"

"Actually I have once. Very lovely place. You look like you must be one of the guards from there."

As I tried to diminish our conversation, the guard continued, "Indeed I am. That must have been where I've seen you from."

All of the sudden his eyes widened, and he let in a gasp.

Run!

I tried running to find Freeman, but I wasn't fast enough. The guard grabbed my arm and quietly said, "Princess, everyone is so worried about you. Guards searching all of England! What have you been doing?"

"I can't marry the Prince of Italy. I just can't."

He let go. "Why not?"

"Because I have fallen in love with another. Someone without royal blood or nobility. Someone who has shown me what it feels like to be free from the duties of their country."

"Well, you must come back. At least to be sure your family knows you're alright."

As much as I hated it, I had to go with whatever I was told. "Can I at least find Freeman first and tell him?"

"Well, OK, but make it quick because we have a long journey ahead."

The guard followed me while I found Freeman working in one of the shops. I hugged him, and I felt like I couldn't tell him the news. Tears streamed my face as I was barely able to get the news out of me. Yet in the midst of everything going on, Freeman was able to stay calm and process it well, I think.

"What are you to do now? You can't marry a man you don't love," he said with sorrowful eyes.

"I'm not sure."

Freeman's eyes grew big and his face lit up. "Why don't I come with you?"

The guard barged in, "No, no, no! They'll have your head!"

I knew I couldn't leave Freeman, so I disrupted, "What if we sneak him in?"

The guard was stern, "We simply cannot risk it."

I realized how important my duties were to my country. England first, love second. I turned to Freeman and kissed him because it would be our last. "I must do this. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Go be the great leader that you are meant to be. I love you."

"I love you, too."

And so I left the village. The journey was long; my heart yearned for his. I would never give my heart to anyone else, and I know that he feels the same.

When we arrived back at the castle, my parents were waiting outside the carriage.

"We are so thankful you're alright," my father said.

I hugged my parents and told them, "I love you guys."

It wasn't long before I started to consider marrying the prince, and to my surprise, I was looking forward to this marriage. Sure, it may not be ideal, but I was going to be happy.

A couple nights later I was getting in my bed when I received a message. It read:

Hello, my love. I have made it to your castle. Please meet me outside the gate.

Right away I knew exactly who wrote this message. I decided to go only because he needed to know the truth.

I walked out of the castle only to see his face full of fear. "Let's be together," he said confidently.

I reminded him of reality, "We can't."

"Yes, we can. There isn't always only one option. There's always an alternative option."

I finally wanted to marry the Prince of Italy. "You must go."

He grabbed me, threw me over his shoulder, and ran quickly into the woods.

As he set me down, I couldn't think of any other option. I had to prioritize my country and its well-being.

I had officially made my decision. "I'll spend one more night out here."

With that, he kissed me one last time before laying down to sleep. As I rose up from his arms, I silently opened his bag to get a knife.

The next thing I knew I was whispering, "I'm sorry," before stabbing his chest. I needed his heart. His heart belonged to me. So I took it.

I stood back up. Death was all I could think about. As he lays there in the cold, dark night, I realized what I have done. I stand there with a knife in one hand and a human heart in the other. Blood stained my long dress, dry hands, and light skin. I could hear that voice now, “There’s always an alternative option.” Over and over and over again.

But there wasn’t. Not this time.

I told myself that everything would be OK for the longest time, and now it finally can be OK. I have, for once, stopped running and stood up to fight.

I dragged his lifeless body to a nearby stream. I washed off as much blood as I could and stashed his heart into his bag. I am to rule Italy and England. I had no doubt in my mind I was going to be a great leader of my people.