Do you ever see yourself unintentionally ruining a moment? It is not like you plan for it to happen, but it just does? Things can be just fine. In fact, things can be going great. What I mean is, you and your friends are hanging out and you are all enjoying yourselves. Then all of a sudden your mood just changes. Suddenly there are thoughts that start to pop up in your mind. They literally come out of nowhere. I get these thoughts that I'm not good enough. You start to think that your friends don't actually like you. You feel like these people are only hanging out with you out of pity or you are just a second choice. I have a sense of being unwanted.

Despite how many times people will invite me to things or ask me to hang out, I still get these thoughts that they don't really want me to be there. I am taken back to the feeling of only being invited because they felt obligated to. Maybe they just aren't wonderful friends, or maybe it is merely human insecurity to feel these things. It could honestly be because of any number of things. Mainly I think that it is just my overthinking brain. There is no reason to have these thoughts, but my brain just wants to tell me that I am not wanted. I just wish I didn't have to go through these feelings. Why do these thoughts pop up? It is not like I want to ruin an enjoyable moment or that I want attention. But I just find myself having these thoughts. What could have been a great time is ruined all because my brain starts to overanalyze a situation. My brain becomes nitpicky with every interaction I had which makes me think that I am unwanted.

I wish there was some type of guidebook to help with getting rid of those thoughts. I know that there are self-help books and things of that nature, but the sad reality is that no matter how hard we try, I think we will always have those thoughts in the back of our minds. As a result of this, I think we just have to learn how to deal with those thoughts. The struggle is, how do we realize that these thoughts are most likely incorrect? How do we learn to not let these thoughts and ideas affect us?

I feel like, well this is more of a personal thing, that these thoughts are things that I have to battle on a daily basis. There is not something that triggers it. Unfortunately, these ideas just seem to creep in all on their own like an annoying zit that won't go away. That may be a gross analogy, but I feel like it paints a very clear picture of what it feels like to have these thoughts and feelings. They are ugly, unwanted, and annoying. No matter how hard you try to get rid of them, they always seem to find a way to come back.

This is one of those things where I hope I am the only one who feels this way because I wouldn't want anyone else to feel this way, but at the same time, I hope that I am not the only one because then no one would understand. I do think that this is a common thing among others, the only difference is that I think it appears differently according to each person. Everyone has their own insecurities. I personally still struggle with ways to make these insecurities go away, but there are definitely ways. I know that I have grown tremendously and I feel more comfortable with myself and who I am. It did, however, take me eighteen years to get to where I am. I am definitely not all the way there yet, maybe nobody can truly get there, but you sure can come close.