I sit here writing this lacking sleep and much enthusiasm because I am very much done with this stressful week. You've had them, I'm sure. Where every day just seems to mess with you somehow. That was my week.
I have been anxious my entire life but events which transpired in 2016 increased my already high anxiety to the point that I avoided social interaction for months and small stresses would send me into a tizzy. I sought therapy to try getting a better grip on it. Which has been going very well! However, there are still days where I feel extremely nervous and upset but I have no idea why. One of these days was Sunday.
I woke up and immediately felt like something was just off. Like something was wrong but I couldn't figure out what and therefore couldn't fix it. And that feeling kept me laying in bed for a while trying to make myself get breakfast even though I just wanted to drown in blankets so I wouldn't have to find out whatever, to me, was wrong. Eventually I got myself out of bed and doing things but I still felt tense all day. As I described it to my sister, I felt like I was forced to stare at a bomb countdown as it switched between 2 seconds and 1 second but I didn't know if the bomb was deactivated or if detonation was merely delayed and everything in me felt as if detonation was still coming. So with that feeling in me since the moment I woke up, small stresses made me more upset and I was snapping at people because everything seemed to be too much to handle. (I apologized to each of them and explained after what was in my head at the time, they were very kind.) I was using anything I'd remembered from therapy to just get through the day, even retreating to my room a couple times to stop all of the sensory input I couldn't handle.
Then finally, FINALLY, the anxiety had died down to a more manageable level around 10 that night. Still pretty high but I felt calm enough that I felt I could handle cleaning my room a bit before going to bed. It was great! I was getting organized, throwing away things I no longer required, and I had something funny from YouTube on TV. It even seemed a bit fun after feeling awful all day. I only really needed to clear the sitting area in my room but I decided to overachieve a bit and clean up another corner of the room while I was at it and put some spatulas into my "kitchen bin" in my closet (don't ask).
That was a mistake.
I went to lift the bin out of the top of my closet and a mouse leaped out of it.
I am not a fan of rodents. (I was going to put a picture of one here but even looking at them made me want to throw up). I was not prepared nor pleased to have one jump from above me, in my bedroom. Especially when I had just gotten my anxiety down, for the first time all day, fifteen minutes prior.
So, as you do when something surprises or scares you, I screamed and ran to get my dad to get rid of it. He couldn't see it so he set up traps, helped me grab clothes and things I would need for sleeping so i could stay in my parents room while they took the couches. Mom helped me calm my breathing and head a bit before she went off to sleep. Then the friends I messaged were so helpful in getting me to calm down more after she did. (Thank you so much, all of you.)
That was the worst day but the days following were pretty bad as well. High anxiety every day (though thankfully not as high as Sunday), medical problems acting up, and apparently the mouse was merely the first to be seen as three thus far have been caught by traps. (I switched to sleeping on the couch and have been since Monday night.)
So it has been a no good, very bad week for this writer. (Points to people who get the reference!) Well, few good things happened anyways. At least the good things to happen this week were as exciting as the bad were upsetting, because two of my best friends from college plan to visit in the next month!
Still, the week overall seemed to just kick me down and I hope this week didn't do the same to you. If it did, I'm so sorry and I hope next week is better for you and me both!
