ROMEO AND JULIET IS CANCELLED.
Please stop teaching it in high schools. Yes, Shakespeare is a genius and a great writer. Yes, Romeo and Juliet is considered one of the greatest plays of all time and beautifully written. But honestly, I have never read a more problematic piece of literature. Here is everything wrong with Romeo and Juliet.
1. They literally know each other for a day.
Sometimes it takes me a day to even remember someone's name, okay? Like, please chill.
2. Juliet is the rebound.
Babe, he only likes you because you're pretty and he's hung up on Rosaline. He's just feeling impulsive. Get it together.
3. Romeo gets called romantic, but he's actually just creepy.
He literally gate-crashed a party and followed a pretty girl around, held her hands, and kissed her ten seconds later. He used pure testosterone to take advantage of Juliet's innocence.
4. Paris seems like a cool guy, not to mention hot and well-connected.
While he can have a bit of a controlling streak present in almost all the males in the play, he genuinely seems to care about Juliet and has a lot of great qualities that Juliet refuses to see.
5. The adults are just really stupid.
Friar Lawrence has good intentions, but some of the worst ideas. Instead of talking some sense into Romeo and Juliet, he makes a plan with poison and a faked death. And when the truth comes out, he basically doesn't get blamed at all.
6. The family feud is stupid.
I know that feuds like this can actually happen in real life, but having grown-ass adults in this situation do absolutely nothing about their dangerous animosity until people start dying is ridiculous. Of course you don't have to talk about your problems and settle things like civilized adults! Just leave it to the kids to fall in love and kill themselves!1!1!
7. Romeo and Juliet have the weirdest relationship.
Okay, this is a given, but their dynamic is so creepy even when they're together and happy. Juliet often talks about how she imagines Romeo dead or that she would rather have him torn up among the stars than be away from her, which is just strange.
8. BOTH OF THEM ARE SO STUPID.
ROMEO LITERALLY LOOKS AT JULIET ABOUT TO WAKE UP FROM HER FAKE DEATH AND SAYS, "Wow, you still look so pretty and alive, your lips and cheeks still have color."
BUT THEN HE'S LIKE, "OH WELL, THERE'S NO POSSIBLE EXPLANATION FOR THAT EXCEPT DEATH WANTS YOU AS A LOVER. GUESS I HAVE TO KILL MYSELF NOW."
SHE WAS ABOUT TO WAKE UP. IF YOU COULD JUST WAIT FOR TWO SECONDS.
This is even worse in the movie where Romeo drinks the poison just as Juliet wakes up, so they see each other before he dies. Ugh. Come on.
So, in summary, Romeo and Juliet is cancelled. Sure, the writing is great, and Shakespeare is a genius, but it is just a stupid story about stupid kids. I bite my thumb at thee.
