Growing up, I had a very specific and convoluted plan for my life, the way only a dreamy teenage girl would. To me, the world was full of endless chances and opportunities that would present themselves to me when the time was right. Consequently, every single person that passed through my life would serve either to teach me a lesson or guide me to where I needed to be.
I mean, I was the hero of my own story, right?
Except - life is not a movie or a best-selling novel.
It took me years to finally work out that the way I thought about the world was completely childish and illogical. And honestly - it hurt once I did. It was easier for me to slip on my rose-tinted glasses, to think of everything that happened to me (especially the painful bits) to be part of a grander scheme to shape me into someone better or to lead me somewhere.
But the truth is that sometimes shitty things happen just for the sake of it. With no rhyme, reason, or purpose.
Other people can hurt and destroy us just because they can, not to teach us a lesson or help us "grow". Sometimes others serve no other purpose in our lives than to bring us pain until we let them go.
The romantic in me couldn't accept this. How could the world just be like this? So nonsensical and cruel and seemingly bleak? There had to be more through all the agony of existence, beyond the painful realization that nothing means anything and that our purpose here on Earth is to work ourselves to the bone until we eventually fade away.
Once I figured out the way the world worked, life seemed less like an amusing adventure and more of a confusing blunder that everyone had to get through. The toils of life left tolls on me, marks I couldn't explain away or begin to feel hopeful for. Everything sucks, so why bother?
Humans, as a necessity, assign their own meaning to everything - especially when it comes to the meaning of life. What would be the point of existence for existence's sake? There had to be a reason we were placed here, other than by chance or evolution.
Some like to apply Hiker's Code (which is, by the way, exactly what it sounds like - a code for hikers to follow when traversing through mountains and terrains) when it comes to life on Earth:
Don't make a mess and leave everything just a little bit better than it was before you showed up.
All in all, it's not a bad rule for life. It's not too much to ask people to not meddle or destroy everything and to try to help out where they can.
Alternating expectations for the world and others can be immensely difficult, especially when you held everything to such a high standard. But you can't let the world harden you for what you've been through. Maintain your tenderness. The world could use a little light.
