This past weekend two shootings occurred in Orlando, Florida and each one brought us face-to-face with pure evil. These shootings were something that only someone so consumed by hate, or so lacking in regard for human life could have orchestrated. Events like this remind us that, while humanity has the potential to do great things, it also has the potential to do unspeakable ones. One was Sunday, the nightclub massacre that claimed up to 50 lives, and the other Friday night, when YouTube star and former The Voice contestant Christina Grimmie was shot and killed during an autograph session outside of her concert venue. For many reasons this weekend will be a weekend I will never forget, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it lived in infamy.

Like most tweens and teens, I went through an angsty phase. Mine blossomed when I turned 13, and came in the form of too much eyeliner, sidebangs, and hair so teased it would’ve put Rod Stewart (circa 1980) to shame. Since I was new to my “emo” stereotype, I often turned to YouTube for hair tutorials on how to achieve the perfect amount of poof. It was during one of my various YouTube searches that I found Christina Grimmie. Shockingly, my first introduction to Grimmie was through her hair tutorial, and not her musical covers. After deeming her hair tutorial acceptable, I decided to visit her channel to see what other content she had. I was surprised to find she was a singer, and after listening to her cover of “Pyramid” by Charice I was hooked. Since then have been a devoted zeldaxlove64 subscriber.

For six years I’ve followed Christina Grimmie. I’ve watched her steadily grow from a cover artist on YouTube to being signed after her collab with Sam Tsui (Nelly’s “Just A Dream”) went viral, and from there to performing as a concert opener. I reached a milestone with her when she released her first single, and then later an entire album. When I learned she was a contestant on The Voice (one of my favorite guilty pleasure shows) I diligently followed her climb to the top, and rejoiced when she won third place. After six years, it was routine to pull up YouTube on my web browser and see a new video by Grimmie.

When I heard that she had been shot and killed on Friday night, my world stopped for a moment. My first reaction was neutrality as I processed the situation. My rational mind knew that Christina Grimmie was just a face and voice on the screen of my laptop. I didn’t know her personally; I wasn’t her family or one of her friends, all of whom were experiencing indescribable grief. I was just one of her three million subscribers. It shouldn’t have felt like I lost someone I knew, but it did. It still does. When you become personally invested in someone over the span of six years, you can’t avoid growing feelings of attachment. Feelings I’m sure her other millions subscribers share with me.

Three million subscribers. Three million people affected worldwide by one person. According to news reports, Kevin James Loibl traveled all the way from St. Petersburg to Orlando to shoot Grimmie. He didn’t personally know her, nor was he a fan. He was just a stranger with the sudden idea to kill her. Along with that, not only did he bring one gun to the venue, but two guns and a hunting knife. The thing that scares me the most is that police still cannot find a clear motive. There was no reason for this senseless violence, nothing to justify it. He did it because he wanted to. As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. His actions spoke loud enough for the entire world to hear.

While I don’t want to elaborate on my political standpoint concerning gun control, I believe that something needs to change, but a gridlock will always be reached. Some people can’t change, and the entire country will never miraculously love everyone and end the hate. Along with that, no matter what laws are put in place they will never satisfy everyone, and there will always be loopholes for people like Kevin James Loibl to slip through. As long as politicians keep changing their viewpoints to appease the masses and procure votes, nothing will change. All we can hope is that these horrific events serve a purpose in the grand scheme of things; that their deaths aren’t in vain. They need to serve a purpose, to make a change. If not, it means that the malice will only continue and get worse.

Christina Grimmie was more than just a singer. She was a person too, something I think people forget about celebrities. She had friends, parents, a brother, and aspirations just like the rest of us, just like the Orlando shooting victims. All she wanted was to make the world a better place, and her life was cut short before she could. As much as I wish this entire weekend were “just a dream,” it wasn’t. We as a nation have to move forward and learn from the past. I can only pray that people see these acts of violence as senseless, and not as sense.

#RIPChristinaGrimmie