I am back in grammar school. We’re working on a project that requires the use of a very specific tool. I glance down at the ill-contrived contraption lying on my desk.
Oh, great, I think to myself. Another pair of right-handed scissors.
Perhaps some of you reading this have felt this very struggle. A very small minority of the population is left-handed, only about 10 percent. The quality is less prevalent in girls, more common in twins. I am the only lefty in a family full of righties, full of people for whom the world and everything in it was designed.
Doorknobs and cabinets were engineered to be opened by righties. In the United States, we drive on the right side of the road. The hot air that comes out of your laptop is on the left, which is fine if you happen to be a righty, like nine-tenths of the general populace, but if you’re a lefty, your hand might be scalded simply by trying to use the mouse. That is, of course, after you’ve had to move the mouse to the left side of the computer.
Can-openers are a particular menace. I just want a tuna sandwich, for goodness sakes, but that discourteous kitchen gadget shows me no mercy. My sister, a righty, usually opens the can.
Practically everything in the world was created for righties, by righties. Utensils are always on the right side of the plate when I go to restaurants, but if I try to move them to the left, bumping elbows with my fellow dinner-mate is inevitable.
Society used to equate left-handedness with evil, shrewdness, even the devil. Years ago people were punished for writing with their left hands. That is, of course, after they got notebook marks all over their arm for trying to compose their essay. Heck, lefties even have a predisposition to have shorter life-spans than righties, almost a full decade, nearly the same amount that life expectancies decrease in people who smoke.
But we lefties will not be silenced by a world that caters to those who are better off using their right hands. We shall not be hindered by the contraptions that threaten to intimidate us! Despite the downfalls, lefties often have higher intelligence and are better problem-solvers than righties, due to the face that we must so often adapt to our right-handed environments.
Over the years, people have become more aware of the plight of the left-hander. Left-handed scissors are now generally ubiquitous, kitchen apparatuses and power tools designed for us are being sold around the country. Perhaps one day, we lefties will be able to see how it feels to live in a world designed for us, by us. Perhaps we can live with the ease and simplicity we so desire. And then we shall usher in a new empire premeditated for world domination by alien life forms that each possess two left hands!
Until then, I’ll let my sister make the tuna.
