As humans, we're naturally inclined to the need to spend time with people. It's engraved in our genetic makeup to reproduce and it's definitely engraved in our society to seek affection from others. Before boyfriends or girlfriends, fiancés, husbands and wives, there were friendships.
Even being as young as toddlers, we're frequently taught to play nice with the other kids or asked if we met anyone and made new friends at school. Sure, some of us are naturally introverts. We enjoy spending time alone. We don't go out of our way to go dance at a busy night club or scream and shout at a sporting event. But we do enjoy spending time with other introverts and doing nothing with people who also love to do nothing.
Friends are important. Friends are the family you get to choose. Friends are who you go to when you can't stand your family. Contrary to popular belief, there's nothing wrong with loving your friends more than your family. You don't get to choose your family, but you do get to choose your friends. Those who say "friends can hurt and leave you, but family is forever" clearly haven't experienced what unfortunately has become an all too common occurrence in the American family dynamic. But this piece isn't about family, it's about friendships and maintaining them.
Some friends are needy. Some friends are not. Some friends can hold intelligent conversations. Others, not so much. Some friends love a night in on the couch catching up while some friends don't want to see you unless it's for dinner and drinks. There's no right or wrong way to be a friend, as long as you are there for each other.
Being there for each other doesn't mean literally or physically, it means emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Some of my best friends are my low maintenance friends, and I know I most certainly am a low maintenance friend.
What is a low maintenance friend? It's the friend you don't need to call every day to know what they're up to. It's the friend who you understand has a life outside of you. It's the friend who works a lot, or moved far away, but remembers how important you are to them even though your relationship is changing.It's the friend you don't get angry at when you don't hear from each other in a long time, but when you get together, act as if no time has passed at all.
Being 22, I am at this insane crossroads of my life. I'm about to graduate college, I don't know if I'm staying where I am now or if I'm moving back home, and I definitely don't know where I'm going to get a job. I've got a lot on my plate right now. So I'm sorry to the friends who think they've fallen to the wayside because I haven't talked to them. The truth is unless I bump into you face to face, I'm really not talking to anyone!
Being a low maintenance friend is important. It's understanding, loving and caring for your friends. It's wanting the best for them, regardless of what that means for you. It's putting your friendship before personal feelings. It's being the bigger person. It's being open, honest and flexible. It's being a friend for the long haul.
Remember, it's okay to have high maintenance friends, too. Everyone should have someone they can talk to on a daily basis whether it be for advice, to vent or just to share a funny story with. But these friends can get needy. These are relationships that might not last as long when the dynamic begins to change. I hope that isn't what happens to you, but sadly that's just how some people are.
My low maintenance friends are my friends from elementary school, day camp, my hometown. They're friends from before I changed my major, or back when I used to do community theater. They're not anymore my best friends than my roommates or people who I have the ability to see more often, but they are some of the most important people in my life because they provide different insight, simply because they're at a distance.
So next time you're feeling detached from a friend, don't sever ties or get angry. Remember why you love them in the first place, thank them for being with you through it all and remember low maintenance friends are the best friends you could have.
