There is no right way. I'm cringing as I write this, because despite my knowledge of this fact, I have been tragically plagued with perfectionism for as long as I can remember. Always so concerned with the rules, grade school through high school I hated the idea of disappointing my parents, friends, my teachers…anyone really. I saw flaws in myself where there were none and got tied up countless times overthinking how to do things the "right way" whether it be how I said hi in the morning, or what extracurriculars I chose to do.
We are raised in a society that believes giving up ourselves on a daily basis for others is honorable. The truth is that we can't help anyone if we don't help ourselves. It sounds simple, it sounds obvious, but trust me, it's all in the subtleties. A friend asks you to go somewhere you don't wanna go so they won't be lonely, a co-worker asks you to cover their shift when you're already exhausted, you say yes. Young women, especially have been taught to be compliant and "nice", despite the cost.
I just thought I was a people-pleaser, I wanted to be helpful to everyone else, I was selfless, right? So many years later I know that I was actually the opposite. I believed that giving of myself to everyone else made me a good person, but all I was doing was depleting my energy. Lucky for me, I have a super bad-ass mom who has no problems breaking rules, going around roadblocks and always encouraged me to put myself first above all. Remembering to put self-care first when life gets stressful is important because it can help clear your mind for better decision-making.
I'm still learning to respect the way the universe works: we only have so much control and there are so many different roads to get to the same place. Our lives don't fit into a mold, we don't have to do anything no one makes us….we choose it. Being a young adult, the pressure to make important decisions is stressful, the world becomes significantly more open, there are so many options. This is a reminder to you (and me) that there is no right way to live, there is only what we choose and our acceptance of the outcome.
