Today I Ate An Apple Sticker | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Education

Revisiting Your High School Commencement

Revisiting my high school commencement address and finding awkward ways to give advice.

86
Revisiting Your High School Commencement
Photo by Caleb Woods on Unsplash

I remember sweating balls at my high school graduation ceremony and listening to my commencement address.

I couldn't tell you who it was delivering their words of wisdom to 200+ graduates and their captive families, but they're pretty much all the same: "Now that you've completed your 12 step program in public education, we're sincerely proud to unleash you unto the real world."

They made a big fuss about the prestigious universities and military branches that would welcome members of the Tippecanoe High School Class of 2014. I was four years of political overexposure less jaded at 18 and I will now admit that, underneath a skeptic exterior, I was excited. College kids were adults. I was going to live in a dorm room at Wright State University -- a full thirty minutes away from my parents.[1]

Flash forward a surreal presidential election and three Weezer albums from 2014 to 2018. Most students like me would take a do-over starting from that commencement speech.

I've taken a failing grade on not one, not two, but five college courses here at Wright State. I could buy a car with the tuition money I wasted in less than four years of secondary education. Since I'm writing this on my dad's birthday, and he's one of the like six people I can count on reading this, I just want to say that it's his fault for convincing me going to class is optional.[2] Turns out it's not!

So let's admit this isn't what random commencement guy had in mind when he set me loose on the "real world" that summer. He didn't tell me by "Honors Dorm" they meant "anti-social basement prison where your roommate needs your empty Gatorade bottle to spit out his chewing tobacco."

He didn't tell me you actually have to put yourself out there to make new friends if you're going to try that hard to dodge everyone you went to high school with. He definitely didn't tell me if you're going to get high instead of working on your research paper that you should at least do so with someone who's going to make you feel bad about it. Someone should have told me getting promoted to management at Chipotle while you're a full-time student is only impressive if you're actually passing your classes.

He didn't tell me dating in college would be like "you're a secretary for this really shoddy organization scheduling the dumbest shit with the flakiest people ever." He probably didn't know I needed such specific advice.

If it sounds to you like I'm slowly figuring things out as I get older then slow your roll, Tonto. I've accumulated more parking fines over the summer semester than it costs to purchase a parking pass. I got an A on a course paper that was four entire pages short of the length requirement.[3] Even this essay is being submitted after its deadline. Nothing honest ever comes in on time.

What's more is that, like many others, I still haven't decided what to do with this tangled ball of life experience and education that's less than a year from being printed on a thick piece of paper. My perception of money is still in a transitional period between an abstract concept and a substance primarily traded for electricity and auto insurance. I don't really get excited about graduating because I figure there's at least one colossal life mistake between now and the time I'm finished.[4]

Maybe the most important thing no one told me was this could all be semi-normal. I don't think I would have listened, anyways. Trading the enormous privilege of your accident-of-birth for a stubborn desire to learn everything on your own time is a bold strategy. Let's see if it pays off for him.

Thanks for reading!

[1] We measure distance in minutes where I come from.

[2] I also need to say that this is a joke before I get a phone call. I'll probably still get a phone call.

[3] At least I didn't ask for a deadline extension.

[4] I'm praying for a reverse-jinx.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

The 5 Painfully True Stages Of Camping Out At The Library

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

222
woman reading a book while sitting on black leather 3-seat couch
Photo by Seven Shooter on Unsplash

And so it begins.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

Camping out at the library is not for the faint of heart. You need to go in as a warrior. You usually have brought supplies (laptop, chargers, and textbooks) and sustenance (water, snacks, and blanket/sweatpants) since the battle will be for an undetermined length of time. Perhaps it is one assignment or perhaps it's four. You are motivated and prepared; you don’t doubt the assignment(s) will take time, but you know it couldn’t be that long.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

The 14 Stages Of The Last Week Of Class

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

288
black marker on notebook

December... it's full of finals, due dates, Mariah Carey, and the holidays. It's the worst time of the year, but the best because after finals, you get to not think about classes for a month and catch up on all the sleep you lost throughout the semester. But what's worse than finals week is the last week of classes, when all the due dates you've put off can no longer be put off anymore.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

28 Daily Thoughts of College Students

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

923
group of people sitting on bench near trees duting daytime

I know every college student has daily thoughts throughout their day. Whether you're walking on campus or attending class, we always have thoughts running a mile a minute through our heads. We may be wondering why we even showed up to class because we'd rather be sleeping, or when the professor announces that we have a test and you have an immediate panic attack.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

The Great Christmas Movie Debate

"A Christmas Story" is the star on top of the tree.

2214
The Great Christmas Movie Debate
Mental Floss

One staple of the Christmas season is sitting around the television watching a Christmas movie with family and friends. But of the seemingly hundreds of movies, which one is the star on the tree? Some share stories of Santa to children ("Santa Claus Is Coming to Town"), others want to spread the Christmas joy to adults ("It's a Wonderful Life"), and a select few are made to get laughs ("Elf"). All good movies, but merely ornaments on the Christmas tree of the best movies. What tops the tree is a movie that bridges the gap between these three movies, and makes it a great watch for anyone who chooses to watch it. Enter the timeless Christmas classic, "A Christmas Story." Created in 1983, this movie holds the tradition of capturing both young and old eyes for 24 straight hours on its Christmas Day marathon. It gets the most coverage out of all holiday movies, but the sheer amount of times it's on television does not make it the greatest. Why is it,
then? A Christmas Story does not try to tell the tale of a Christmas miracle or use Christmas magic to move the story. What it does do though is tell the real story of Christmas. It is relatable and brings out the unmatched excitement of children on Christmas in everyone who watches. Every one becomes a child again when they watch "A Christmas Story."

Keep Reading...Show less
student thinking about finals in library
StableDiffusion

As this semester wraps up, students can’t help but be stressed about finals. After all, our GPAs depends on these grades! What student isn’t worrying about their finals right now? It’s “goodbye social life, hello library” time from now until the end of finals week.

1. Finals are weeks away, I’m sure I’ll be ready for them when they come.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments