It's that time of year again, or at least it was a few weeks ago. Otakon, baby. People from all over the world wide web graced the Baltimore Convention Center for four days to publicly celebrate popular forms of entertainment in Asian culture, such as the Japanese anime, manga and video games. I work in Baltimore very close the Convention Center, and on Day 2 of Otakon I got off work early for being a good little summer hire, so I followed the advice of a co-worker and went people-watching. When I got to the turn-up function I was overwhelmed by the number of people in elaborate costumes. It was pleasing to see people spending their time and money to congregate here and share their love of this culture that I know almost nothing about, which you'll soon realize. Nintendo's library of video games is pretty stellar, and Dragonball Z was pretty loud, long and violent, but other than those I don't know of any other forms of Japanese entertainment that I've seriously enjoyed. Also, perhaps the greatest video game franchise ever created, Harvest Moon. I already knew that Otakon was kind of expensive, but I didn't know it was that expensive until I Googled it. You know me, I'm cheap. Anime isn't particularly one of Boring-Old Bobby's interests, and my train was coming in like an hour, so I wasn't too pressed to join the party. Wait, you didn't think this was going to be a review of Otakon, did you? Haha, that's funny! You should be the writer! No, I'm going to review what it was like to stand outside of Otakon in 90-degree weather surrounded by people dressed as characters that were mostly unfamiliar to me.

It's called cosplay, ever heard of it? To express their love of a certain fictional character, convention attendees will often dress up as a character whom they admire from an anime, manga or another anime. Most of what I saw pertained to anime or manga, so I'm guessing Otakon is mostly an anime and manga convention. Cosplay is practiced at many conventions, including Comic-Con and BronyCon. I've heard some people complain that they just don't understand cosplay and why people do it. Maybe, and bear with me here, dressing up is just fun, so that's why people do it. I don't think cosplay is weird, except at BronyCon. I guess it's like a way of honoring a person or pony you identify with. It's like dressing up as Rick Grimes from "The Walking Dead" on Halloween because like Rick, you're a great father, or are you? I don't watch the show or your children. Another common example is wearing a Ben Roethlisberger jersey because you admire Benjamin's skill as a Quarterback, and also his legendary agility in dodging sexual assault allegations.

Some cosplayers even exercise their Second Amendment right by brandishing weaponry associated with anime characters. Standing outside of Otakon, I saw a lot of big swords. Like, really large swords. In a classic Bobby misunderstanding, I became worried that I had entered a hive of anime fans with superhuman strength. Still wearing my dress clothes and tie, anyone with eyes could see that I work for a living, and I was not here for anime. I became immobilized with fear should these docile nerds turn hostile. "Zoinks!" I hollered as a person cosplaying as a homeless man approached me asking for money. I opened up my wallet to find a lone $20 bill, then proceeded to tell him that I had no cash on me. He turned away and asked The Joker the very same question, but the villain gave no response. "Why so serious?" I wondered. My fear turned into guilt as I dealt with what I had just done. Was it wrong of me to withhold my twenty? I reassured myself that I had no way of knowing what that fellow would've used it for. Would it have helped him buy food and medicine, or would I have enabled him to purchase drugs and a body pillow?

I was brought back to reality by an Otaku exercising his First Amendment right, yelling and pointing, "Deadpool!" I looked up and saw America's, or maybe Japan's favorite superhero shooting an adoring fan with finger guns. Maryland is not an open-carry state, but Deadpool was packing heat in the shape of a toy rifle, or was it?! At this point I was so confused of everything I had witnessed that I didn't know what was real anymore. Without warning, four ice cream trucks pulled up on the road right behind me. I was about to be engulfed by xenophiles, which is a nice change of pace from the recent surge of xenophobia in our country, but it was very warm outside and I didn't want to cuddle with strangers. I beat cheeks to the train station and boarded my crappy American MARC train.

From the safety of my window seat on the train, Otakon seems pretty fun! I was disappointed that there were no Sausage Party cosplayers, but I've already read the script so I don't need to go down that aisle again. I don't know why I was so frightened by Otakon, but that could probably be explained by dehydration and heat exhaustion. It was a hot one, and I didn't want to buy a water. Why would I pay money for a bottle of something the Earth makes for free? What I would pay money for is to attend a convention for something I'm passionate about. Star Wars, cool-guy stuff and oatmeal are all things I nerd out on. If there was some sort of oatmeal convention, an "Oatakon" if you will, you can guarantee I would spend my summer earnings on a membership, travel expenses and yes, even cosplay. My bran cosplay would put all others to shame, because there would be other humans besides myself at Oatakon, not just me in my basement dropping squares of dark chocolate into a vat of the good stuff.

One last thing I thought about while fleeing Otakon was how joyous everyone looked. It warmed my already sweaty heart to see the horde congregate in their shared appreciation of this culture. Even though I don't understand the mass appeal for anime, I think people have a right to do whatever they want as long as they aren't harming anyone. People like what they like. Can you explain the Maid café to me, though? What's the appeal? My intention is not to offend anyone, please educate me, I'm serious. Anyway, God Bless Japan, land of the free, home of the anime. I don't know much about Japanese culture, but I'm always down to learn about cultures other than my own. I hope that Otakon celebrates more than just anime and manga and instead honors more elements of Japanese entertainment, such as Kabuki theatre and Gaki No Tsukai. Maybe if I went I would know. Oh well. See you at Oatakon 2017.