With the holidays fast approaching, it is increasingly important to remember to treat retail and food service workers with kindness and respect. We know you're in a hurry to get your morning coffee or complete your Christmas shopping. I mean, hey, aren't we all? It's just sometimes when you put on a uniform or step behind a store counter, it seems like the people on the other side forget you're actually a human too. I didn't realize "blueberry muffin" was an emotion until I started working at a bakery and heard that in response to "Good morning, how are you?"

So here are all the phrases I say with a smile and what they actually mean. Remember, folks, tip your servers or else they'll tell their moms on you.

1. "Hi, how are you?"

Translation: Please treat me like a human being and use a little common courtesy instead of immediately barking orders at me.

2. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

Translation: You just awkwardly complained about a very personal problem to a stranger and I don't know how to respond to you.

3. "I'm not sick, it's just allergies."

Translation: I am actually a snot faucet who has to sneak into the back every five minutes to blow my nose but I couldn't find anyone to cover my shift so here I am, in close contact with the public.

4. "I'm sorry about that."

Translation: You just complained about something that is absolutely out of my control and this apology is not sincere.

5. "It's no trouble at all!"

Translation: You just made some ridiculous request that actually is a lot of trouble and will inconvenience everyone waiting in line behind you but I have to do it for you anyway.

6. "Oh goodness *nervous laugh*"

Translation: Please stop saying inappropriate things; I'm obligated to be nice to you but I'm actually super uncomfortable.

7. "Thank you so much!"

Translation: You just tipped at least 20 percent and I appreciate you funding my pizza addiction.

8. "Have a good day!"

Translation (multiple):
a. (If person was rude) I hope you step in dog poop.

b. You were actually decent to me and I genuinely hope your day goes well.

**Disclaimer: I actually really love my job and (almost) all the people who stop in, but inconsiderate customers are a real drag.**