You guys are the best, and then some.

Retail workers are a unique breed. I’m not talking about the high school kids who barely survive holiday before bailing. I mean those of you who suffer year-round. Together, we often see the worst of people, but I’m glad to have seen the best in all of you.

Mall employees easily develop one-of-a-kind friendships, united by the mutual struggle that is mall employment. We all share the basic struggle of the food court, spending an hour’s worth of minimum wage on Chick-fil-A. There’s no such thing as a diet either, and if one of you tries, you’re only tempted when everyone else gets pizza or donuts.

Then, there’s the ominous holiday, along with those lovely extended hours. More time to hone our people skills… Yay… Working in a mall from November to December is a literal nightmare that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. The only thing that gets you through is your funny, witty coworkers. And yes, they all have a sense of humor; it’s the only way to survive.

Holiday does its best to destroy your desire to interact with other humans. This is the time you really need those work friends. In preparation for Christmas, customers often throw out their manners. And dignity. They’re happy to spread the holiday cheer only by trashing displays and merchandise.

They also let their kids roam free, so don’t be alarmed when eight children appear out of thin air, and run toward your just-finished display only to treat it like a jungle gym. Suck it up, and spend the next hour fixing the disaster with your work bestie.

Unfortunately, customers sometimes lose their common sense as well. So, when you get my favorite question, “Do you work here?” try to avoid the immediate urge to point out your uniform and nametag before shooting back, “No, I wear this by choice.” Just bite your tongue, and rant about them to your coworker after they leave.

Customers like to play mind games too. “Do you have more of these in the back?” they’ll ask. And when you say no, they’ll approach your coworker, asking, “Well, can you check?” It’s okay, though, because your coworkers always have your back.

They tell the customer a second time that the product, likely a sale item, is out of stock and will not miraculously appear in the backroom. Tell the customer they can get the similar, more expensive item. They always go for it…until you get to the cash register, and it’s time to slide their card.

“I’m spending a lot of money here. Can’t I get a discount?” they ask. Because apparently, it’s a trade secret that all retail stores have hidden coupons galore that they save for customers brave enough to ask. Um, no. “This is ridiculous. I’m taking my business elsewhere,” they’ll say. Scrape up the most genuine tone you can manage, smile, and wish them well.

BYE FELICIA.

If you’re lucky, you’ll just “unintentionally” develop selective hearing or resting bitch face, and customers will tend to seek help from someone else (sorry to whatever coworker that may be).

There’s also those customers who appear in the entryway at 8:59 p.m., assuring you that they are well aware your store closes at 9, and they will be really quick with their 17-item list. You and your coworker roll your eyes in unison as you wave farewell to any hope of going home in the next twenty minutes.

It’s really nice, and pretty rare, to get a genuinely kind customer that is nothing but smiles and rainbows. Unfortunately, those just aren’t the people that bring you and your work friends together. It’s the shitty people with the shitty attitudes that want nothing more than to make your day shitty too. It’s fine, though, because we endure it together.

I am so grateful for the friends I have met in retail, a few of whom are now my best friends. We all share a piece of our lives and understand each other in a way other people can’t. You guys make it easier to go to work, and although retail sucks sometimes, you all make it worthwhile.

Love ya, work fam.