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Student Life

Your Retail Employee Translator

It's a whole other language

Rachel Marie Vitello

Jul 06, 2017

Keene State

ecommerce

Ah, retail, a very interesting and unique business. In my 5 years of retail experience I feel that I have encountered it all. Grown woman fuming over an expired coupon, children knocking over entire displays and, of course, everyone destroying the nicely folded clothes on the table you just did.

No matter how kind and collected that retail employee you're speaking with may seem, it's all a secret language. Here's a little sneak peek into the truth of our "customer service".

1. "I'll go see if we have your size in the back!"

Translation: The odds of that being out back is slim to none, so I'm really just going to go check my phone and grab a snack for a minute to make it seem like I'm looking for it.

2. "Just so you know, we do close in about 5 minutes, but take your time :)"

Translation: We all have lives too and would like to leave ASAP so get out.

3. Subtle, fast blinking

Translation: If one more off-the-shoulder top slips off the hanger while I'm fixing it, I will legitimately kill somebody.

4. "Yes, you can definitely go run to grab that in a different size quickly."

Translation: You're holding up a huge line at the register and I have to stand here awkwardly and receive the death stare from ten strangers. Thanks, Susan.

5. "That honestly looks so good on you!"

Translation: I work on commission.

6. "I have a skirt and a necklace that would go so well with that."

Translation: Again, commission.

7. "Let me grab the manager to double check that."

Translation: You're simply not satisfied with whatever response I gave you about that expired coupon or sale that ended and my manager is about to tell you the exact same thing I did but, hey, let's waste all our time!

8. "I'm sorry, but the item has no receipt or tag and it's damaged, so we can't return it."

Translation: Are you actually dumb? Like, I'm very concerned.

As much as any retail employee may complain about their job, at least it's better than being unemployed or broke! (Right?)

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Your Retail Employee Translator

It's a whole other language

1. "I'll go see if we have your size in the back!"

2. "Just so you know, we do close in about 5 minutes, but take your time :)"

3. *Subtle, fast blinking*

4. "Yes, you can definitely go run to grab that in a different size quickly."

5. "That honestly looks so good on you!"

6. "I have a skirt and a necklace that would go so well with that."

7. "Let me grab the manager to double check that."

8. "I'm sorry, but the item has no receipt or tag and it's damaged, so we can't return it."

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The struggles of having an RBF are all too real

1. People asking if you're mad at them.

2. Those people who hand out flyers don't always try to stop you.

3. Creepy guys telling you to smile.

4. "I thought you were a bitch when I first met you."

5. People telling you you'd be "so much prettier if you smiled."

6. Doing your makeup and looking great, which somehow intensifies the bitch face.

7. Regularly explaining "it's just my face."

We all go through certain stages when we have a crush, Tina just explains it better.

That moment that someone you never looked twice at suddenly makes you do a double take out of no where.

But you can't have a crush, that's outrageous. It's all in your head.

Because you don't have a crush, there's no reason to tell anyone about anything. Right?

But then they do something irresistible and you start to lose it.

Now accepting the fact you have a crush, you have to keep it under control.

Then there's the part where you tell your friends who will claim they called it.

They'll be excited and cheer you on. That's until they realize that your crush is all you'll be talking about.

Your obsession has become so bad, that your Facebook stalking is getting out of control.

But your friends will try and help move things along any way they can. That doesn't mean it will be any helpful though.

As time goes on, you start having fantasies about the two of you and it's starting to scare you a little.

You can't focus on anything because all your attention is on them and everything they do.

Anybody who comes near your crush is now an enemy, and you are willing to fight for your crush.

When you see them, you act like an idiot. Trying to hide your feelings may not be as discrete as you think.

Keeping your feelings inside will start to be harder and harder until you can't keep it inside anymore.

Who knows, maybe it will work out? Take a chance.

Everybody hurts sometimes.

May the odds be ever in your favor.

What about those of us who don't do it all in four years?

1. You feel like an elder.

2. You may feel lonely.

3. Senioritis is more real than ever.

4. You may feel a little down sometimes.

5. Fear of missing out won't be as real.

6. You are a college pro.

7. You'll have more free time.

8. You're happy you're still in school.

9. You feel like a guru.

10. You continue to grow.

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