When my grandma passed away I lost all of my faith in God. I was never an avid church goer or Bible reader, but after she passed I completely cut religion out of my life. I couldn't understand how He could give such a beautiful and amazing woman a disease as awful as cancer. I couldn't understand why she had to be taken away. I was 14 at the time and to this day, I still haven't grieved properly over the loss of her because I shut myself off from God and my emotions. That was the easy way out at the time.
It wasn't until two years later that I regained my faith. I met a girl named Ellie on Twitter through 'The Walking Dead' fan accounts. Ellie was 15 years old and had cancer, but her faith in God was unbelievable. She talked to me day in and day out about how she kept her faith. She helped me to find my faith again. I started to pray for her because I wanted to see her get better. She would spend hours talking to me about her faith in hopes of restoring mine.
Ellie and I had been friends for about 6 months when she received the news that her cancer was in remission. I thanked her for restoring my faith in God that day, but I didn't know that it would be the last thing I said to her.
We had a small group of friends and no one had heard from Ellie for two days after she had told us the good news. Her cousin got on her Twitter account and informed us that Ellie had passed away in her sleep. This amazing 15 year old girl had just gotten the best news she had heard in over a year and passed two days later. I lost an amazing friend, but thanks to her, I regained my faith and I know that makes her proud. All Ellie ever wanted to do was spread her love for God and she did every single day throughout the six months I knew her. I will never be able to give Ellie the thanks that she deserves for restoring my faith, but I know that one day I will be able to tell her again that she's the reason I believe again.
Out of all the things I have experienced in life, losing faith in God was the most terrifying and I hope it is something I never have to endure again. I just hope that one day I can do what Ellie did for me to another person who has lost their faith, because I know how dark and scary it is. What she did for me was amazing and I appreciate that she took the time out of her day to help me when she had so much going on in her own life. I will never forget how kind she was to me in a time where I wasn't so kind to very many people. I never knew how hard it would be losing my faith. In the wise words of Eric Church, "that's a lesson I wish I didn't learn the hard way."
