I've been anxious my entire life.
In April 2018, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. That wasn't news to me. For anyone who knew me in high school or college, this was definitely not news to you either. I'd been going to see a therapist on and off since I was 12, but it wasn't helping. My life on the outside was (and currently is) pretty awesome, but on the inside, I was drowning.
Before I got on medication, it felt like I had two struggling sides of my brain: logical and emotional. Something completely insignificant would happen and the emotional side would spiral. It was screaming, tensing, struggling to remain calm while the logical side was yelling back trying to convince the other everything was OK. Even when nothing was going wrong my brain was like a tornado, whirring and buzzing and trying to be perfect 100% of the time so as not to come up short to the insane expectations I'd set for myself. I remember last year one of my professors asked me, "Do you ever relax?" and my response was, "No, I can't." (Side note: He then stopped our lesson and used the entire block to teach me how to meditate, which is the most incredible thing a professor has ever done for me).
A pill a day keeps the clouds away.
My doctor prescribed me Escitalopram (AKA Lexapro), a daily pill for Generalized Anxiety Disorder and depression, in November 2018. In just two weeks my life was completely changed. My mind balanced and became one with itself. Since then there hasn't been any internal struggles, screaming, or conflict in my brain. I don't hear the whirring of a tornado. Instead, I feel calm, happy, energized, confident, and motivated. I feel like myself again.
Don't get me wrong, I still get stressed and upset occasionally. The best way to describe it is to imagine a sliding scale from -3 (the darkest emotion) to +3 (the happiest emotion). Thanks to these little pills, my mind is capable of hitting or exceeding +3 in the greatest moments of my life but only hitting -1 (healthy stress or slight sadness) in the more difficult moments of my life.
My only regret is not doing this sooner.
I wish I had been on Lexapro since the beginning of my freshman year of college, but I was too prideful and thought I could handle it myself. I was finally convinced when someone asked me, "You would take medicine for a broken bone, right? What about a kidney failure? What is so different about taking medication for a broken mind?"
If you're not happy, do something about it. You don't have to take medication, but it is OK if you do. Cost is not an excuse, either — with my insurance it only costs $10.00 a month to get my pills. Not that you can put a price tag on happiness, but if you could, it would certainly be worth at least that. I realize there are many different insurance plans out there, but how can you say it's too expensive without checking with your insurance company and your doctor first?
You don't have to take Lexapro, either — there are SO many medications to choose from and your doctor will assess you and prescribe accordingly. And if one medicine doesn't work another one will. Below is a link to a list of anxiety/depression medications I found. Make sure to discuss with your doctor which one is best for you.
If you don't want to take medication to treat your anxiety or depression, home remedies are a must. Meditation, exercise, aromatherapy — anything that puts your mind at ease. I walk my dogs every night, relax in a bubble bath that smells like apple cider, and sip on tea while I do homework. I do whatever it takes to be at peace.
