I just feel so empty now that he is gone. My mind is filled with so many unanswered questions. I wish I could have done things differently and maybe, just maybe, I could have changed the outcome. I have been told that it was uncontrollable; it was an accident. A very tragic accident that could not have been avoided.

The indescribable pain that I felt caused my breath to shorten. It was as if my lungs could no longer hold the oxygen needed to support me. I was unsure of how to react. It was all so sudden.

I will never forget that day. I could barely keep tears from streaming down my face as I listened to them. They spoke of how he was intelligent and how he loved to make people laugh and how he loved life. It made me smile thinking of how he always tried to flatter me with his humor and it worked too. He definitely had a way with words.

The ceremonies were beautifully prepared. The first consisted of family and friends gathering to comfort one another. During the second ceremony, everyone listened to the man speaking at the podium in remembrance. I was glad to have been able to attend them both. As I walked through the doors, my eyes scanned the room and soon locked with those of a rather familiar face. In that moment, she mouthed the words “thank you for coming” and we both broke into tears. She looked at me with his eyes; she was most certainly his mother.

During the first ceremony, I conversed with his family and friends. Once the tears subsided we discussed the memories we had of him which seemed to help cope with the pain. I was inspired by their strength. I looked at them with admiration wishing I could have been that strong. He would have wanted that. I smiled thinking of how much everyone in that room impacted my life in the last year and a half. Everything that they had done for me meant so much and it all shined in a different light as we were brought together at that time.

The second ceremony provided the opportunity to listen to the man at the podium speak. He mentioned the importance of how the unexpected supplies us with the strength to lead a fulfilling life. The ceremony provided the closure needed to continue our lives with him in our hearts. While listening, I broke down into tears once more, but this time, I felt as if I could not stop. A smile soon appeared on my face once I came to the realization that he was at peace.

I was very grateful to have known him in the way that I did. He was my best friend, my first love, and the most important person in my life. I would not trade the memorable times I spent with him for the anything in the world. I always think of that day. March 24th, 2014, three days after my 17th birthday, I received a text message. It read “Sweetheart. This is Caleb’s mother, I just wanted to let you know Caleb passed away last night.”