If you’ve ever read one of my response type articles, you know that they can get pretty lengthy and border on complete rants. But this piece just made me laugh more than anything. It is titled “Women Cannot Be Best Friends With Men.” Let’s jump right in.
The author begins by saying “Can heterosexual men and women, who are both single, be just friends? Yes. But can they be best friends? No. At some point, my dear girl, you will fall for him.” This is where I discover myself in an Odyssey inception because this article is a response article to “Why You Owe Your Boy Best Friend A Thank You.” While I won’t dive too much into that article, it basically thanks a best friend for being, well, a best friend.
However, the author of “Women Cannot Be Best Friends With Men” clearly disagrees, acting in a rather condescending way, saying “my dear girl, you will fall for him”. Now, whether this is meant to be in a caring or parental way is beyond the point. The author continues in this type of Nicholas Sparks way, saying “You’ll grow to love him. It won’t be intentional. You would probably never admit to it. It will ruin you, but if you get too close to him, it’ll happen.”
Okay, woah, woah, woah. Let’s back up here. This sounds like something straight out of a movie trailer. You’re saying that, if you get too close to a boy, it’s just bound to happen that you’ll fall in love with him? That’s just a given at this point?
Oh, apparently yes, this is what the author believes: “This is natural. It is the way we were designed; we were designed to [sic] see the opposite sex as potential partners."
Not only does this narrative exclude LGBT people, but it also automatically sexualizes relationships between men and women, which is completely unnecessary. If the only reason for being friends with a person of a different sex is to fall in love with them, friendships between men and women wouldn’t exist. But, shockingly, they do!
This is because not every relationship has to be sexual in nature between men and women. Amazing, right? Men and women can be, and have been, best friends for years and years. Just ask my mom, who can rattle off a long list of her best friends who are men from over the years. One of my best friends is a man, and there has never been a time when we thought “oh hey, let’s get into a relationship.” You should be friends with the people you want to be friends with, bottom line. If they want to be friends with you too, then great!
She continues, saying how once you meet his family, hear his childhood stories, hear about his heartbreaks, and hear his laugh, you will fall in love with him. So, just because I’ve met someone’s mom, heard a story about when they were little, helped them get through a crappy relationship, and heard them laugh at a joke means I’m going to fall in love with a person? Well crap, I think I’ve just fallen in love with every single one of my friends, by that standard.
She means that “You’ll understand him like few do.” What I think we have here is the “mysterious sad guy” trope. Enough of that. If you’re a close friend with someone, of course you’re going to know them better than other people. That’s why they’re called “best friends”. If you call someone your best friend you are going to know more about them than another person might, and there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s no need to think that means you’re in love with that person.
Reading towards the last few paragraphs of this article, I realize what’s really going on. She says, “You, my sweet friend, will feel terrible when you realize what is happening. When you realize that your heart is intent on more than friendship, you will ruin yourself. You will break your own heart when you realize that he means more to you than you mean to him.” Oh, okay. I see what’s happening. A classic case of unrequited love.
You confessed to your guy best friend that you have feelings for him, and he didn’t feel the same way. I’m sorry that happened. It is a pretty awful feeling and many of us know it well. That being said, just because this happened to you does not mean this will happen to every girl in this situation, nor does that mean this situation will even arise.
If I’m being honest, this “advice” article sounds more like a bitter open letter. She sounds like she fell in love with her best friend, he didn’t love her back, and because of this, the friendship was lost forever. Clearly, this situation is not enjoyable for anybody involved. But, the last word of “advice” she gives is to “guard your hearts, my sweet friends”.
Here’s my advice to you, my sweet friends: if you are friends with a person of a different gender, that doesn’t mean you are going to fall in love with them, or that your relationship you already have with them as a friend needs to, or will, go any further.
Do not live with the close-minded belief that women and men cannot be best friends. Do not live thinking that you should distance yourself from your friends of a different gender because you think you’ll fall in love. However, if this situation does happen, that's a problem for you to handle, hopefully with the help of your friends.
Don’t allow yourself to cut off people who may be great friends to you because of this difference. Be friends with people who make you happy, who support you, and who care for you. Whomever your best friends may be, you don’t always fall in love with them, nor do you have to.
Living in a way with a “guarded heart” is not going to get you anywhere. Sure, be aware of your relationships with your friends and how they change over time, but there’s no need to think this way.
She ends this article as a warning to women: “If you don’t watch yourself, you will let yourself get too close to him”. Might I add, as one last statement, do we always have to focus on romantic relationships, as women? Must that be the culmination of our lives, how much we loved or how many heartbreaks we had?
I say, don’t always guard yourself. Be safe, but don’t cut yourself away from people, and don’t suppress emotions and feelings of love, warmth, and happiness. If you do, you can get caught in a cycle of forcing yourself not to develop feelings and running from good things.
Love isn’t always an evil thing; just because you’ve had one, or two, or eighteen heartbreaks doesn’t mean that there is not something to look forward to.
