Recently, I read an article from Thought Catalog. The article had been shared by friend after friend, and though I wasn’t immediately drawn to it after seeing it pop up so many times I thought, “Why not.” And so I began to read this wonderful article about falling in love with ‘the one.’ But as I read through I realized that this isn’t what I want in a relationship because what they’re describing isn’t real.

They’re right. One day you’re going to meet someone who makes you feel like home. They’re going to make you feel safe and loved. They will be someone who will accept your flaws and imperfections. Someone you can share everything with; your past, your future, your fears, and your dreams. You’ll find someone you finally feel comfortable exposing your whole self to. Someone who you can fully let into your heart.

Yes, that person is out there waiting for you. But the expectation of who this person is supposed to be is too high of a bar for any person to meet. This idea that the person you’re meant to be with will understand every single part of you, that they will be able to read your every thought, feel and understand your emotions and frustrations without you having to utter a single word, and that you won’t argue about these little frustrations, is something we’ve learned out of the fairytales we read about growing up.

Since we were children, society has told us that all we need is love; and with that we’ll find our soul mates and live happily ever after. We’ve been told that we’re going to find someone who can understand every crevice of our being, where we won’t have to explain ourselves. Someone who can read us like a book and won’t ever push us too far. But relationships aren’t fairytales. You aren’t going to be with someone who can read your mind—because that isn’t life. And there’s a reason for that.

In reality, you’re going to have to argue it out when things get tough, you’re going to have to talk about your feelings and your fears. You’ll have to explain to them why sometimes you get sad for some inexplicable reason, why there will be times when you want his love to consume all of you and others when you need to go for a drive alone. You both will argue about where to eat; because you take forever to decide and he isn’t adventurous with trying new things. Yes, there will be nights when you argue and disagree, because no they can’t read your mind. Your other half is meant to help you become a better you. They are going to challenge you in every way possible. They’re going to make you explain yourself and they’re going to ask questions. -because if you can’t explain it yourself then how can you possibly expect them to figure it out.

Love is an important and crucial part of any relationship. But a relationship is so much more than that heart-fluttering feeling you get when they look into your eyes. Yes, they will be your home. They will hold your hand through everything that you face in the world and they will share your burdens. But your relationship with that person won’t be based on just love. It will be based on respect, trust, honesty, humility, and open communication.

I am young, but after watching my parents and grandparents celebrate milestone anniversaries I know certain things to be true. Love is important in any relationship. But it isn’t the only foundation block you need to build a relationship off of.